My boyfriend puts our life on hold for his elderly mother
DEAR DEIDRE: I’M never top of my boyfriend’s list of priorities.
He puts everyone else ahead of me.
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I’m 46 and my partner is 52. We’ve been together for two years.
He’s got an elderly mum, and will often drop everything to pop round to check on her.
I don’t want to sound selfish but it really ruins our plans.
For example, we haven’t been back to the theatre since he ran off during the interval one time to tend to her.
I wouldn’t mind so much, but his sister never helps out even though she lives the closest. It’s ok for her.
She’s able to swan off to Barbados this summer.
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Meanwhile, my boyfriend has already told me he can’t go on holiday this year in case his mum falls ill.
I wish he’d grow a bit of a backbone and stand up for himself – and for me.
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DEIDRE SAYS: This is a difficult situation for you to cope with.
But if your relationship is to develop, you need to tell your partner how you feel.
While it is understandable you’re frustrated that his sister doesn’t pull her weight, you need to accept he will always want to drop everything when his mum needs him.
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Can you live with that? And could he work out a fairer balance of responsibilities with his sister?
Until you work on finding those answers, you will continue to resent his family and, in turn, him.