I caught my wife kissing our female neighbour on her kitchen counter

DEAR DEIDRE: I CAUGHT my wife kissing our female neighbour on her kitchen counter. Now she’s admitted they’ve been having an affair for a year. I’m a man of 45 and my wife is 38. We met at work. I’ve never had much confidence around women but my now wife started talking to me on […]

DEAR DEIDRE: I CAUGHT my wife kissing our female neighbour on her kitchen counter.

Now she’s admitted they’ve been having an affair for a year.

I’m a man of 45 and my wife is 38. We met at work.

I’ve never had much confidence around women but my now wife started talking to me on a training course and we seemed to click.

I’d only had one proper relation-ship before. I’m shy, an only child and never feel at ease in social gatherings.

So I was delighted when she showed an interest in me — and her eyes lit up when I mentioned I’d almost paid off my mortgage.

We started dating and the sex was great initially.

She mentioned she’d been with women before but vowed never to hurt me.

Within weeks she’d persuaded me she should move in, and a couple of months later we were engaged.

But since we married, I have noticed she rarely wants sex.

Our single neighbour is 47 and good friends with my wife. My wife feeds her cat when she goes away.

The other night she went round to get the keys before our neighbour’s trip to Ireland.

While she was out, my mother-in-law phoned to say she needed help after a fall.

I rushed next door to tell my wife, but walking down the side of the house, I saw her through the kitchen window, sitting on the worktop, legs akimbo, with our neighbour leaning into her. They were kissing.
They flew apart when they saw me.

My wife came home, half worried about her mum but more worried about me.

The next day she admitted her affair had been going on for a year.

I’m devastated and question her sexuality. Does she really want to be with me?

DEIDRE SAYS:  I’m sorry but her behaviour suggests she doesn’t. If I’m wrong, she’s going to have to prove herself.

Despite her assurances that she wouldn’t hurt you, she most certainly has by cheating.

The pull of what you’ve given her financially may have been more tempting than the relationship.

If your marriage is strong enough to recover, she’s got some explaining to do.

If you really are the one for her, she won’t let you go without a fight – but don’t hold your breath.

My support pack on cheating will show you where to find support.