My fiancé swears at me and puts me down every time he gets drunk
DEAR DEIDRE: EVERY time my fiancé gets drunk he swears at me and puts me down. Last time he did it, I was so upset I threw my beautiful ring at him. I thought things would get better after he proposed, but if anything, they’re worse. I’m 24 and he’s 31. We’ve been in a […]
DEAR DEIDRE: EVERY time my fiancé gets drunk he swears at me and puts me down.
Last time he did it, I was so upset I threw my beautiful ring at him.
I thought things would get better after he proposed, but if anything, they’re worse.
I’m 24 and he’s 31. We’ve been in a relationship since I was 16, and last month he finally asked me to marry him.
He gets so nasty when he drinks. He tells me I’m ugly, fat, stupid and a joke, plus he gets really aggressive.
In fact the only time he’s nice to me is when he wants sex.
When he’s sobered up he apologises and says he didn’t mean it. But I can tell he isn’t really sorry.
He never tells me where he’s going and I’m not sure I can trust him around other women either.
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If I try telling him how I feel, he says he doesn’t want to talk to me.
I know you’ll say I should break off our engagement and leave him but I love him so much – I’ve never been with anyone else – and I don’t think I’m strong enough to let him go.
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DEIDRE SAYS: Your situation is ringing very loud alarm bells.
Your fiancé sounds controlling and abusive, and your relationship is not an equal one.
If he really loved you, he wouldn’t shout or swear, or want to hurt you.
The Women’s Aid website has a quiz which shows if a relationship is abusive (womensaid.org.uk), plus information and support.
Please believe that you deserve so much better.
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I know the thought of leaving is scary, but unless he’s prepared to change, you will be much better off.
My support pack, Addictive Love, contains helpful advice.