Every time my husband is late home, I convince myself he’s cheating again

DEAR DEIDRE: EVERY time my husband is late home, looks at his phone or even stares out of the window, I’m convinced he has started up his tawdry affair again. We are supposed to be through the worst after I discovered he had been cheating on me a year ago. I found out when he […]

DEAR DEIDRE: EVERY time my husband is late home, looks at his phone or even stares out of the window, I’m convinced he has started up his tawdry affair again.

We are supposed to be through the worst after I discovered he had been cheating on me a year ago.

I found out when he “butt-dialled” me and I heard him and another woman making arrangements to see one another that night.

I left the line open and heard it all.

I knew the pub they were going to, so I turned up later that evening and caught them red-handed.

My husband said he had tried a few times to end their affair, but she threatened to tell me so he kept it going.

With nothing left to threaten him with, he ended it.

We were going to have a trial separ­ation, but he became ill with appendicitis.

I decided I wanted to be with him as we’ve been together for 15 years and have a five-year-old daughter.

I am 38 and my husband is 40. Before his affair, life was good.

We have now rebuilt our marriage to be better than ever and we talk everything through.

My husband is now going out and playing tennis as he’s reconnected with some old friends.

I am also building new friendships, but I still get that sick feeling in my stomach that he might stray again.

We have spoken and he assured me that it was only ever me and he doesn’t want anyone else.

He gets upset because he feels guilty.

So why can’t I let go and trust him?

I want to move forward but feel undermined because he was so close to this other woman.

How can he switch off those feelings?

I’m struggling and my distress is starting to get to my husband. I’m sure he resents my uncertainty.

DEIDRE SAYS: It’s no wonder.

Couples can survive the trauma of an affair if they look at their relationship and work on weak points.

Trust takes time to build but can be destroyed in a heartbeat.

Your daughter will be happier if you can make this work – she will be picking up on the tension – and you sound as if you still love him.

Talk about why he was tempted to stray. Y

our husband must be prepared to work hard to convince you he loves you and only you.

A one-off apology will do little to restore your faith.

My support pack Cheating – Can You Get Over It? shows how you can be stronger than before if you still love one another and are willing to rebuild your marriage.