I’m Britain’s strictest headteacher and my 8 tips will make summer holidays a breeze for even stressed-out parents
AS kids break up from school this week, parents will be panicking about how to get them through the long summer holidays. But don’t panic, the UK’s strictest head, Katharine Birbalsingh, shares her advice . . . DON’T BE FLIPPANT ABOUT DEVICES IT is a dangerous, murky online world out there and parents need to be aware. Kids […]
AS kids break up from school this week, parents will be panicking about how to get them through the long summer holidays.
But don’t panic, the UK’s strictest head, Katharine Birbalsingh, shares her advice . . .
DON’T BE FLIPPANT ABOUT DEVICES
IT is a dangerous, murky online world out there and parents need to be aware.
Kids should have safety restrictions on all their devices, otherwise they will be accessing content that is harmful to them and their mental health.
Going online at eight years old seems harmless but as they get older they start meeting other kids you don’t necessarily know about.
Talking is key. Explain to them why it isn’t good to be on their devices from morning until night.
MORE PARENTING TIPS
Use words like: “I love you, I’m your mum, and it’s my duty to look after you.”
Research phone apps together so you can choose ones which you approve of. When you’re making an important point, don’t be flippant or sarcastic or they will only sigh and roll their eyes.
TAKE THEM FOR ICE CREAM
YOU can’t allow frustrations to spin out of control bit by bit, you need to keep an eye on things as the summer goes along.
Have high points through the holidays, small things to look forward to — even if it’s just an ice cream at the park or a day trip.
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And if you can arrange something bigger like a holiday then great.
It’s also something you can hold over them if they don’t do as they’re told.
TAKE AWAY THEIR PHONES TO GET THEM MOVING
IF you want them to exercise, remove their devices because it’s surprising how much they will move when they don’t have them.
But let them choose the exercise — it doesn’t have to be a daily run. It could be football in the park or going out with friends.
You could write out an “exercise contract” for you both to stick to over summer and both sign it.
Kids feel they’re being held to account if something is written down and you can refer back to it should you need to.
DON’T OVERDO THE HOMEMADE MEALS
IF you’re going to lose one battle this summer, let it be food.
Kids eat some junk and that’s OK but if they’re only eating unhealthy food make some sort of deal.
Tell them that if they eat two bits of broccoli, then they can have cake.
If you put something warm in front of them to eat then you’ve done a great job — making them a dinner out of the freezer is nothing to feel guilty about.
In fact, don’t prepare homemade meals which you’ve slaved over for hours too often or they’ll take it for granted and come to expect it.
Kids shouldn’t be able to choose what they eat, either. In school we have one meal at lunchtime and everyone eats the same.
The more choice you give to kids, the more demanding and entitled they’ll become, so stop giving them too many choices.
If they don’t eat it, take it seriously. Parents need to say: “Do you know how much trouble I’ve gone to preparing this?” You’re not their slave so don’t let them mess you around.
AGREE ON THREE RULES
EXPECT arguments between siblings but never take sides.
You’re the mediator whose job it is to help them resolve conflict. Always remain impartial.
If one of the kids feels they are always the one you blame, they will resent you.
Praise, reward and punishment applies to kids at any age. Know what they enjoy and give them lots of it when they do what you ask of them.
To avoid arguments later, write down what you expect when it comes to pulling their weight around the house. You need a system — let them help decide on three rules.
And if they don’t do as you say? If the phone has to go, then so be it.
SEPARATED PARENTS MUST BE ON THE SAME PAGE
MIXED messages are a disaster and it’s the number one reason why I believe that kids in separated families can end up underachieving.
Be sure you and your ex have similar expectations and rules. Don’t talk badly about each other.
The child needs to know you are united in your desire to hold them to the highest standards.
DON’T TRACK THEM
WHILE there are mobile phone apps out there that let parents see their child’s location, don’t rely on them.
Don’t be a control freak or your child will stop listening. What matters most is that they feel they can tell you when they’re in trouble — and that comes with trust.
If you want them to be back at a certain time, give an example like: “I give you freedom here and here, but this one is non-negotiable.”
DON’T LET THEM LAG BEHIND
CONVINCING a teenager to dip into school work during the summer break can be a slog — but no parent wants their child to start a new school year in September at a point which is further back than they were in July.
Studies show kids regress over summer because it’s such a long time off school.
But this doesn’t mean you have to teach them algebra. Doing 20 minutes daily — whether it’s reading, writing or getting them using an educational app on their phone — is enough to keep their minds ticking over. Numerise is a great website for maths.
I know the kids who are going to do well in writing subjects because they read all the time. The ones who don’t are going to underachieve.
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Put the screens aside for half an hour a day and sit with them to read. If they say no, you must set standards.
Say things like: “This is what I expect of you, end of story.”