Beast film review: Even Idris Elba can’t save this laughable cringefest of a disaster movie
BEAST
(15) 93mins
★★☆☆☆
IT has long been said that the mid-budget movie is an endangered species.
This one about a Jaws-like lion taking revenge on humankind certainly isn’t going to aid cinema’s conservation project.
Even the mighty Idris Elba can’t save Beast from the worst fate imaginable for a disaster movie — laughter.
I am pretty sure that director Baltasar Kormakur didn’t intend his blood-stained action flick to generate loud guffaws from the audience.
But the script is so bad it is funny.
Largely the dialogue involves either Idris, as doctor Nate Daniels, trying to protect his two daughters from the big cat, or Sharlto Copley, as his nature reserve pal Martin, shouting “Don’t move” or “We’ve got to get out of here.”
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ON THE PROWL
With such mixed messages it’s no wonder the doctor’s kids do exactly what they shouldn’t when a killer lion is on the prowl — which is to leave the safety of the vehicle.
Even funnier are Martin’s musings on why the beast would take umbrage at humans.
The audience really doesn’t need to be repeatedly told that the predator might be a bit miffed about poachers wiping out its relatives.
Mixing important messages about animal conservation with a ridiculous action movie was always going to be as genuine as Prince Harry’s green credentials.
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Idris does a bit better at generating authentic emotion with the subplot around his own family problems.
Dr Daniels has gone to South Africa to take his daughters (newcomers Iyana Halley and Leah Sava Jeffries) to see the place their deceased mum loved so much.
Idris does his best to breathe warmth into a slightly written character. But it’s hard not to groan at the cliche of the dad trying to save his daughters, having not been able to do the same for his cancer-hit wife.
The CGI big cat also comes out of this Jeep crash of a movie with some credit, swishing around South Africa like a prize fighter.
The poster promises that Beast is “no normal animal”.
Certainly this film is so wild that it isn’t “run!” of the mill. But mostly not in a good way.
GRANT ROLLINGS
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MR MALCOLM’S LIST
(PG) 117mins
★★☆☆☆
THERE’S a list of books and films this quirky period drama, directed by Emma Holly Jones, is heavily influenced by: Bridgerton, Pride And Prejudice and How To Lose A Guy In Ten Days.
This paint-by-numbers rom-com is set in 1818 England, where Julia (Zawe Ashton) is in desperate need of a husband.
She has her sights set on the very eligible – and very wealthy – Mr Malcolm (Sope Dirisu), who has little interest in her.
After some painfully long and unfunny set-up scenes, we find out that Malcolm has written an obnoxious list of everything he requires in a bride, and Julia doesn’t match up to any of them.
To get her revenge, she sets up a bizarre plan that’s full of holes.
She asks her beautiful, clever and kind friend Selina (Freida Pinto) to make Malcolm fall in love with her, by pretending she is everything on the list. And, as you might have guessed, he does!
But his, ahem, pride gets in the way and there’s a few bumps in the olde-worlde dirt road.
This film may look pretty, but fancy costumes and finery are simply not enough to be engaged in its plodding, stilted script.
It will leave you desperate for Mr Darcy.
OFFICIAL COMPETITION
(15) 114mins
★★★★☆
PENELOPE Cruz, Antonio Banderas and Oscar Martinez deliver sparkling dialogue, great chemistry and belly laughs in this Spanish comedy.
Co-directed and written by Mariano Cohn and Gaston Duprat, it is a meta-drama about making a movie.
Cruz plays wild haired, outlandish and acclaimed visionary director Lola Cuevas, who’s tasked with making an on-screen adaptation of a Nobel Prize-winning novel as a legacy project for millionaire Humberto Suárez (José Luis Gómez).
To enable her creative vision she insists on ‘the best’ actors for the two lead roles; pretentious thespian-type Ivan (Martinez), who claims to reject the trappings of fame and believes in method acting, and Felix (Banderas), a Golden Globe-winning, supercar-driving playboy who cares more about posting on Instagram than ‘the craft’.
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In rehearsals the three enter into a deliciously funny, bitchy battle of egos, which delivers up some bitingly sharp satire about the film industry.
Joyful, with outstanding performances, but for such a sharp, witty script it’s a shame the momentum fizzles out towards the end.