I can’t afford a coffin or funeral for my terminally ill son, 4, because my bills are so high – it’s heart-breaking
A HEARTBROKEN mum fears she won’t be able to afford a coffin or funeral for her terminally ill son because bills are so high.
Donna Brady, 38, says the rising cost of living has left her struggling to get by.
Especially because her son Romeo’s needs, mixed with the rising costs of electricity, have seen her bills skyrocket.
When the North London mum was pregnant with her now four-year-old, she was told he “wouldn’t see his first birthday” because he had a serious heart condition.
She says she now lives in fear of what she will do when Romeo’s terminal illness beats him.
Donna told MyLondon: “I was told to prepare for the worst when I was pregnant, so while everyone else was shopping for prams, I was shopping for coffins.
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“I’m overjoyed I got many more years with him. But I’m living on my nerves and my anxiety 24 hours a day, because I don’t know if I’m going to wake up and my baby’s gone and how I’m going to cope when he passes.”
The mum said she has seen a change in her son lately, adding: “I know the time is coming soon.
“But a coffin is unbelievably expensive and all of the other funeral costs. That terrifies me to be honest.
“And if he passes away tomorrow I wouldn’t want him sitting in a freezer while I scrape together to try and bury him.
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“I just would want him to lay him to rest straight away.”
While the Children’s Funeral Fund for England would help pay for some of Romeo’s funeral costs, Donna said she would struggle to get the money together.
The mum says she has gone from paying £42 a month for electricity to nearly £100 – despite trying to cut corners where possible.
She explained: “He throws up quite a lot so the washing machine is constantly going.
“And I need the electricity on all the time as Romeo has a feeding pump that needs to be permanently charged as it is the only way he can get liquid food and fluid into his body when he is unwell.
“Romeo also needs his TV as often this is his only source of comfort, especially after spending a whole year in hospital and following an entire year at home during the pandemic, it is these little things in life that keep him going.”
Donna said the cost of travelling to medical appointments had also climbed.
She added: “We use taxis or Ubers as the risk of infection is too high on public transport but these are now more expensive.”
I just would want him to lay him to rest straight away.
Donna Brady
Romeo was born with Total Anomalous Pulmonary Venous Return (TAPVR) which sees oxygen-rich blood return to the wrong side of his heart, mixing with blood with lower oxygen levels and affecting how much oxygen can be pumped around his body.
He also has dextrocardia, which means his heart is on the right side of his chest instead of the left.
Donna receives Disability Living Allowance (DLA) as she is a full-time carer for Romeo, and therefore unable to work.
She said they are also supported by the charity The Rainbow Trust, which she says has been a “godsend” as it helps them do fun activities.
But Donna said while she is doing her best to give Romeo the best life possible, she feels like they are on “borrowed” time.
She added: “He loves magazines but they have gone up from £4.50 to £6.99.
“I have to say to him ‘we can get milk, bread and butter or a magazine’. To say no to a child that hasn’t got long left is really, really difficult.
“He’s never going to finish school or go to college or meet someone and fall in love and go on holidays and have a job and all of that. So that’s why it’s really difficult for me to say no to him.
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“Because of his condition I want to give him everything to make life as easy as possible and to create amazing memories but these are truly worrying times.”
A GoFundMe page has been set up for Romeo to have a special day out, you can donate here.
How to cut funeral costs
FIRST of all, discuss with family what type of funeral is preferred.
Consider whether there are elements, such as catering or flower arrangements that you can do yourself.
Next up do your research; ask friends and relatives to recommend a firm. Doctors and solicitors may also be able to advise.
Failing that, search online for reputable companies, and take note of reviews and compare costs of like-for-like services.
Shopping around is the buzz phrase of the moment and it’s the best way to lower funeral costs – even if it does feel wrong. You can use comparison site Beyond.life to compare costs – although be aware that not all providers are on the Beyond.life service – for example Co-op Funeral Care is missing – so you will need to contact these providers directly for quotes.
Ensure you get a full breakdown of costs and timings for services up-front.
You should also check the firm is a member of a recognised trade association, such as the National Association of Funeral Directors or the National Society of Allied and Independent Funeral Directors.
Check if you qualify for a funeral expenses payment from the government.
And check if you can get a government budgeting loan before turning to high cost lenders.
Also, consider speaking to Down to Earth if you need help applying for grants or organising a funeral.