My husband won’t give me a baby – so I’m considering getting with my colleague

DEAR DEIDRE: I’M desperate to have a baby, but my husband keeps making excuses – so I’m considering getting together with a colleague who also wants a child.

I’m 32 and my husband is 34. I can’t understand what he’s waiting for.

We own a house together, have secure jobs and a great relationship.

We’ve always been really happy together. I always imagined us as a family and have this deep-seated feeling that a child is missing.

I’ve been patiently waiting, but every time I bring up the topic it’s as if he is determined to avoid the conversation altogether.

We’ve argued multiple times over it and he always tells me that “we’ll talk about this another time”.

I’m beginning to think we are on different paths. Recently, I have become quite friendly with a man at work who is eight years older.

He’s very mature and has always been very kind to me.

I would be lying if I said that I didn’t fancy him a little bit.

He constantly talks about how much he wants to start a family and have a house full of kids.

It’s really made me realise how important this is to me.

I love my husband, but why doesn’t he want to start a family with me?

My resentment is starting to drive a wedge between us. I don’t want to leave him, but I’m thinking the guy at work could be a better fit.

DEIDRE SAYS: When you are feeling calm ask your husband how he feels about the prospect of becoming a dad.

Please make sure you give him the time and space to answer – this is such an emotive issue for you it’s crucial you let him explain himself.

It’s not clear if he never wants children, or whether it’s “not yet”. His attitude could be tied up with difficult experiences.

Perhaps he had problems with his own parents and is scared of repetition?

If he’s adamant about never having children then I’m afraid you have a difficult decision to make.

But whatever you do, please make sure you concentrate on your marriage – work out whether you should leave or stay – before starting any other relationship.

You still have time to make the right choice for you.

You can work through these challenges together, or separately, with counselling. I’m attaching my support pack Counselling which explains more.