DEAR DEIDRE: MY daughter is at her dream university and everyone in the family was over the moon, except for my brother.
My mum bought flowers and my sister sent her a card and some chocolates. My husband and I invited the family for lunch to celebrate but my brother said he was working.
I think it was an excuse because looking back, I realised he was the same when she passed her GCSEs and her driving test. There was stony silence.
I’m a woman of 39 and my daughter is 18. My brother is 37 and he is single. He does OK. He has a good job and drives a nice car. What’s he got to moan about?
Why can’t he be happy for her? My daughter was upset initially but she says she’s over it. I’m not though.
A phone call or even a text to his niece would have gone a long way.
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DEIDRE SAYS: This isn’t anything to do with your daughter.
My guess is that he has always lived in your shadow, watching you become “successful”, then becoming happily married with a daughter who is doing well.
It could be that he has strived for these things but they have never come his way. He won’t change but you can learn to accept this is the man he is.
He may not be openly demonstrative but perhaps he has other good traits you can think about when you’re expecting something from him and he doesn’t deliver.
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