Partner shuns me and our son, 4, to see his ex and their kids on Christmas Day
DEAR DEIDRE: I FIND it so sad that my four-year-old son never sees his dad on Christmas Day.
His father and I have been together for 11 years. He tells me he is separated from his wife but spends more time at her house than mine.
Every year he is adamant he will spend Christmas Day with his daughters.
I’m beginning to think he may not be telling me the truth.
My partner has always been open about his wife and teenage girls, telling me he was separated and would one day divorce her.
He spends every weekend with me and our son, but in the week returns to the city where he works.
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He has a flat there but “pops home to see his daughters” every evening.
I am 44 and my partner is 47. He is great with our son when he sees him but it’s getting harder to explain to him why Daddy can’t see him on Christmas Day.
His girls are 16 and 19 years old.
This is really affecting me mentally and emotionally. It just doesn’t ring true that his daughters want to see him every day.
I have tried talking to my partner, but he insists he is doing nothing wrong.
It breaks my heart that he has never been there to see his son open his stocking on Christmas morning. Doesn’t he feel he is missing out? It’s making me wonder if he really is separated, or if his wife and daughters even know about us.
I feel like his guilty little secret tucked away in a corner of his life. I just don’t know what to do or say any more.
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DEIDRE SAYS: In this scenario, as you have not met any of his family, you can’t know for certain whether he is still with his wife or not. You only have his word for it.
If he wants a future with you then he would surely like his children to meet you, even though these situations can be very tricky.
He could fear his wife would cause trouble for him if she knew he had a new partner and make it difficult for him to see his children.
But the children are old enough to know their own minds. You cannot stay a secret for ever or live without plans for the future.
He isn’t being open with you so it’s no surprise you feel uneasy. Tell him you sense he is keeping something from you and need him to be honest. And this time do not be fobbed off.
A lack of trust will always be an issue, and this will simply fester.