My girlfriend and best friend had sex together while I was asleep in the same room
DEAR DEIDRE: MY girlfriend and my best friend had sex while I was passed out on the sofa right next to them.
I’m gutted they’d have sex at all, but doing it while I was in the same room feels so disrespectful.
I’m a 32-year-old lesbian and my partner is 30. We have been together for almost two years. I thought I knew her, but I clearly don’t.
The night they cheated was the first time I’d ever questioned her commitment.
A group of us went to my friend’s house for drinks and we ended up getting very drunk. I was upset because my partner seemed completely focused on my friend.
I accused her of flirting, but she assured me they were talking about me, so I let it go.
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My friend is supposed to be straight but still I felt there was an attraction between them.
We ended up staying the night, and the next morning I woke up with my girlfriend on the sofa. My friend was in her bedroom, but my gut feeling was something was wrong.
Over the next few days, my girlfriend was very secretive with her phone, so when she was out of the room I had a look.
I saw messages from my friend saying how awful she felt for “doing it” right next to me. In later messages they agreed never to tell me.
Since then my girlfriend and I have been working on our relationship. She was very upset and has been trying to make it up to me.
My dilemma now is what to do about my friend.
We all work together and see one another regularly. She now ignores me and we haven’t spoken at all since.
I didn’t do anything wrong so why am I the one trying to sort this?
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: They may have been drunk but it sounds as if your friend is finding it hard to reconcile her behaviour.
She may be feeling embarrassed and it’s possibly made her question her own sexuality. Whatever the reason, can you find a way to talk to her?
Send her a message and ask to meet, away from work, where you can talk properly.
If she still avoids contact you’ll have to accept she isn’t able to adjust.
This isn’t about anything you have done, and you’d be best off accepting your friendship won’t stand this test.
Focus on your relationship and other friendships and in time the awkwardness will ease.