My husband is a huge support to his friend, while he has sex with me
DEAR DEIDRE: My secret lover is also my husband’s friend.
I’m smitten with him and am only staying with my husband out of convenience.
I’d been hoping that one day my flame and I might be a proper couple as I only feel truly happy when we are together.
But last month he admitted he has a much younger girlfriend who he now wants to make more of a commitment to. I didn’t even know she existed.
He says we can still meet but only as friends. Friends in his book means we can’t have “full sex” any more although kissing and oral sex would apparently be fine.
I’m 49, my husband’s 51. We’ve been together for 26 years. Our children have left home.
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My husband’s friend, 50, is someone he has known since primary school. He has had his ups and downs over the years and my husband has always been there for him.
This friend and I have always been flirty but nothing serious. Then one night I was out with a couple of colleagues and bumped into him in town.
He told me he really liked me and asked whether I was up for taking things further. I was so flattered that I agreed.
We started meeting for sex — usually in his car. I feel guilty about what I’ve been doing but I am besotted by this man.
I’m so confused as I thought he felt more for me. I love talking to him and spending time with him.
So should we remain friends or should I leave my husband?
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: It’s wrong to cheat on your husband but his friend was a welcome distraction from your mundane marriage.
A little bit of flirting can be fun and harmless, but it can easily lead to situations which really hurt people if you let it go too far. And let’s be clear, this man is offering you less than nothing.
He’s been disloyal to your husband, who has always helped him and now he’s showing you he places little importance on your relationship.
Friends don’t meet for oral sex behind their partners’ backs.
Instead of continuing to let this man use you, let him know that dead-end relationships aren’t your style and see if you can give your marriage a boost.
Your husband deserves that effort at the very least. Organise a regular date night and make time to be intimate.
My support pack Relationship MOT will help.