My ex is toxic – he’s now trying to poison my relationship with my children
DEAR DEIDRE: AFTER we recently separated following 19 years together, my ex-fiancé has been turning the children against me.
We are both in our late forties and have a daughter of 16 and a 14-year-old son.
Our relationship came to an end after I had a bad back injury that left me disabled.
It led to huge changes in my life and my family’s.
Our sex life was destroyed. I had so many doctor’s appointments but my libido has never recovered.
Soon after my accident, my then-fiancé started cheating.
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I had my suspicions when I noticed he was very close to his boss’s daughter, who was our dog-sitter.
They would always text each other, even if he hadn’t booked an appointment.
Curiosity got the better of me and I decided to look through his phone.
I found all the incriminating messages on his Facebook Messenger app. He had been sleeping with various women for months.
As soon as I confronted him, he left without any attempt to patch things up.
He’s so insensitive. Since our split, he has been posting photos of himself on social media, out clubbing with different women.
Meanwhile, I’m at home mourning our relationship and struggling to move on.
Now he is even trying to poison my relationship with my children.
They have started to blame me for our split, which has led to arguments with them.
Despite trying to share my side of the story, it seems they only want to believe him.
What can I do to fix my relationship with my children?
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: Your ex sounds like a very selfish man – and one who is not putting the interests of your son and daughter first.
Children suffer when their parents split up and it’s best not to ask them to take sides.
Be patient with your kids and try to show them that you love them and don’t want to drag them into your relationship fallouts.
If you consistently consider their wellbeing and welfare, they will soon start to appreciate your parenting choices.
Resist the temptation to criticise him in front of them and instead talk to someone impartial and removed from your life.
A counsellor would be a great person to sound off about how badly you have been treated by your ex.
My support pack How Counselling Can Help is a great place to start.