My 13-year-old has accused my partner of the unthinkable
DEAR DEIDRE: My 13-year-old daughter has accused my partner, who is her stepdad, of touching her inappropriately.
Now I’m torn between my love for both of them, and don’t know what to do.
I’m 44 and my partner is 48. We have been together for five years.
Two days ago, my daughter came to me in tears, saying she needed to tell me something.
She said her stepdad had touched her breasts when he was hugging her a few days before.
I don’t think she’s lying and I know how hard it was for her to tell me.
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But he is adamant he would never touch her like that.
He says it was an accident and he should have apologised straight away, but was embarrassed.
He is devastated that she has made this allegation, which could destroy our relationship and ruin his reputation if she takes it further.
I want to be there for my daughter but I love my partner too. I know he’s a good man, definitely not a paedophile, and we’re so happy together.
My daughter says she wants him to leave our home immediately because she doesn’t feel safe around him. I’m so confused and conflicted.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: This is an incredibly difficult and sensitive situation. I understand that you love your partner, but you must put your daughter first.
She is a child and it will have been very hard for her to tell you what happened.
It’s possible there was a misunderstanding, or she is troubled. Keep talking and listening to her.
But if she thinks you don’t believe her, it could wreck your relationship and leave her with lasting mental health damage.
Please get professional advice both for her and for you. Contact the NSPCC (nspcc.org.uk, 0808 800 5000).
Ask your partner to stay with a friend until you have worked this through. Encourage him to contact Faso (false-allegations.org.uk, 03335 779 377) for support.