I think my friend would leave her husband for me – I want to tell her how I feel
DEAR DEIDRE: I HAVE a strong feeling that if I told my friend how I feel about her she would leave her husband but I can’t decide if it’s the right thing to do.
My friend and I met around eight years ago. I’m a man of 39 and my friend’s 37.
We hit it off straight away and always joked that we’d end up marrying each other. Secretly I hoped it would be true.
When she met someone through her work, I felt pretty gutted but busied myself with other friends and work.
She’s been married for six years now while I got engaged once but called it off after three years.
Recently I have discovered through a mutual friend that her husband has been upsetting her.
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He makes snide comments insulting her and it’s been going on for at least a year.
He’s so arrogant he puts her down in front of her family and friends and even forgot her birthday.
I feel so sad that someone I love is being treated like this.
Since I have known this, I can’t stop thinking about her. I wonder if I should tell her about my feelings.
I’m pretty sure she would leave him and I could make her happy again like she deserves. I don’t know what to do.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: It is hard to watch someone you care for suffer but please don’t declare your love for her.
She may leave her husband in her own time but, for her own reasons, she is choosing to stay with him at least for now.
The best thing you can do is support when she wants it.
Having feelings for a married woman does not mean you must act on them.
If she does end her marriage, she may not be ready to jump straight into another serious relationship, something you’d like to share with her.
Don’t pin all your hopes on her. Keep your social life going and meet lots of new people too.