I can’t look at Mum after she and her best friend gave me the shock of my life
DEAR DEIDRE: I got the shock of my life when I caught my mother getting it on with her secret female lover.
I’m a man of 31 and married with a daughter of three.
My parents seemed happily married and I assumed they were looking forward to retirement.
My mum is 58 and dad 59.
Mum has good friends and one of them from her fitness class is her best pal. She’s single and younger than Mum, at 55.
They go away for lots of weekends together and I’ve never suspected a thing.
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For Dad’s birthday, Mum arranged a fishing trip to Scotland.
The plan, as far as I was aware, was that Mum would travel with him but stay with relatives.
But at the last moment, she told Dad she felt unwell. So he travelled there alone.
But little did I know — when I strolled into the house, to get our bikes we store in their garage, I was horrified to see Mum with her female friend.
Her friend was in her bed and Mum was coming out of the bathroom naked — both looked completely shocked to see me.
Mum immediately started apologising, and pleading with me to keep their secret. She later admitted she’d always felt bisexual but married my Dad because she loved him.
I told my wife and she says my mother is asking too much of me. My dad has a heart condition and I don’t want to tell him but I can’t even look at Mum now.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: Your mum has burdened you with her guilty secret, which isn’t fair.
You could speak with your father but he may feel ashamed that his son had to point out something he should have realised.
Perhaps he already suspects your mother is having this affair but is ignoring it, hoping it will end soon. So by telling him, you’ll take away his coping strategy.
Find some time to talk to your mother again and insist she decides what she wants to do.
Recommend she talks to a counsellor to work this through properly, and insist she tells your father if their marriage is over.
You would also benefit from talking to someone removed from this situation. You can both find a qualified therapist through the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (bacp.co.uk, 01455 883300).