My abusive partner refuses to leave our marriage
DEAR DEIDRE: After 12 years in a horrible relationship, I’ve realised my children are suffering too, and I need my partner to leave.
But he refuses to go, and I can’t afford to. I feel trapped and desperate.
I’m 40 and he’s 42. Our children are nine and seven.
My partner is horrible to live with. He goes out all the time, drinks too much and never helps with the kids, so I can’t ever go out.
He won’t do anything as a family, saying he finds children’s activities boring or he’s too busy.
I work too, yet also have to do all the housework and childcare – even when I’m sick.
Get in touch with the Dear Deidre team
Every problem gets a personal reply from one of our trained counsellors.
Fill out and submit our easy-to-use and confidential form and the Dear Deidre team will get back to you.
You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page or email us at:
deardeidre@the-sun.co.uk
When I try to talk to him, he makes out that I’m harassing him and being a nag. He even says I’m controlling!
I suggested counselling and he just laughed.
Last week, my older child said she doesn’t think Daddy cares about her, and it broke my heart.
That was it! I told him I wanted him out but he said he wasn’t going anywhere.
I’ve looked into leaving with the kids but on my part-time income I can’t afford to rent anywhere, and as I’m on our joint mortgage, I’m not entitled to social housing.
I’ve had enough. Please help.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: Your partner is selfish and abusive. When he calls you controlling, he’s gaslighting you.
As you’ve realised, this situation isn’t good for your children. They need to feel their dad loves them.
You need emotional and practical support. Counselling would really help you.
See my Counselling support pack. Perhaps, if you start going, your partner will eventually agree to join.
You also need financial and legal advice. Get initial help from Citizens Advice (advice.org.uk) and contact Only Mums (only mums.org) who provide free legal advice.
If possible, try to start putting a small amount of money aside, so you have the means to leave.