My £40,000 dream wedding left me with PTSD – I was burnt out and filled with shame over money I’d squandered
AS she slipped into her £2,000 bridal gown, Lucinda Rose waited for the feeling of joy to take hold.
But she felt numb and that sensation continued throughout her big day, for which no expense had been spared — right down to the horse-drawn carriage.
Despite her wedding costing close to £40,000 — nearly double the UK average — Lucinda admits the highlight was the McDonald’s she picked up on the way home.
Now, the parenting expert wants to warn other brides not to obsess over planning the “perfect” wedding as they could end up too stressed to enjoy it.
Lucinda, 39, who lives in Frodsham, Cheshire, with her husband Ian Brown, 43, says: “I started off wanting a small wedding, costing around £10,000.
“But it snowballed, and the more I looked at social media and saw what other people were doing, the more I wanted to do those things too.
“I’d spent my twenties going to friends’ weddings, worrying it would never happen to me. Finally, it was my turn.
“But by the time the day came round, I was burnt out, unable to enjoy it and filled with shame and guilt over the vast amount of money I’d squandered.
“For three months after, I suffered a sort of PTSD, a trauma reaction.
“Obviously it was nothing compared to what a war veteran endures but I was like a zombie, constantly in tears.”
When Ian, a civil servant, popped the question during a holiday in Rome in January 2023, Lucinda was over the moon.
She says: “We’d met online in September 2021 and our relationship moved fast.
“After Ian proposed, we decided on an intimate ceremony for 50 on September 23, 2023, two years after we met.
“But when my mum, Sally-Ann, offered to help out with the cost, everything spiralled.
“The guest list increased to 120 and I felt under pressure to make it the most amazing wedding people had ever been to.
“People didn’t expect me to get married, so I felt a pressure to prove a point.”
Lucinda ditched her plan to wear a red dress which she had found in the sales and would help her stand out from other brides, and chose a more traditional designer dress.
She says: “I tried on more than 20 dresses until I found the one, costing £2,000.
“It was an ivory princess ball gown, and I had a green necklace, earrings and tiara specially made in America.
“I started looking at venues and found a giant tipi down by a lake on the edge of Delamere Forest, run by an event company.
I wouldn’t say I was a bridezilla but I was set on it being perfect and didn’t trust [Ian] to do jobs properly
Lucinda Rose
“It was secluded, stunning and so romantic.
“They tailor the experience to exactly what you want and I went for a Game Of Thrones theme because we are both fans of the show.
“I knew it would be magical, so we put down a £9,000 deposit.”
By the end of May, even Lucinda’s career was taking a back seat as her quest for the dream day gathered pace.
She says: “Ian tried to help, but I became a control freak.
” I wouldn’t say I was a bridezilla but I was set on it being perfect and didn’t trust him to do jobs properly.
“There was so much to do, from finding a photographer to flowers and stationery.
“I scrolled endlessly on social media and followed lots of wedding-orientated accounts. Everything I saw, I wanted.”
Lucinda now wishes she had reined in her spending instead of allowing her mother to contribute to her big day.
She says: “My mum never refused me when I told her my ideas.
“For example, the three separate food vans — hog roast, pizza and ice cream — cost £12,000, followed by an evening spread of cheese and pies.
“I felt eaten up by guilt and there were times when I wanted to make it stop, but then I remembered the deposits we’d lose.
“Nobody told me to rein it in, but I’m not sure they realised how stressed I was.”
Lucinda’s hen night was the only low-key thing about the wedding.
Twenty of her friends and family joined her for a pagan blessing followed by dinner, drinks and dancing in her home village of Frodsham.
As her big day approached, Lucinda’s obsession grew.
She stayed up into the early hours boxing up confetti and writing endless seating plans.
I felt eaten up by guilt and there were times when I wanted to make it stop, but then I remembered the deposits we’d lose
Lucinda Rose
The night before her nuptials, she didn’t get to bed until 2am because she was pouring limoncello into miniature bottles as part of the wedding favours.
Inspired by Instagram, she organised baskets for the loos and filled them with products such as deodorant and hairspray.
She bought hip flasks for members of the wedding party and filled them with their favourite tipple.
She also made packed lunches for each of the 18 children attending and hired two nannies at a cost of £3,000, plus two bouncy castles.
With so much thoughtful preparation, she had high expectations for her big day. But the reality was very different.
When the professional hair and make-up team arrived at 7am, Lucinda didn’t feel a flicker of excitement.
She says: “I didn’t feel like a princess, I felt nothing.
“When I walked down the aisle, Ian was sobbing with joy.
“But my main concern was whether we were keeping to the schedule or not. I can’t even remember saying my vows.
“During the horse and carriage ride to the venue, I was busy texting to check it was all running smoothly.
“I didn’t enjoy the speeches or the dinner and I can’t remember the fireworks.
“I barely spent any time with Ian either. And then I got incredibly drunk.
“We ended up missing the car home and getting a lift with friends, stopping at McDonald’s.
“That turned out to be the highlight of my day, but by 2.30am I was throwing up.”
For their honeymoon, the couple spent a few days at Alton Towers Resort, followed by a spa hotel in Warwick.
It was simple and understated, which Lucinda loved.
I let myself be influenced by social media and thought I needed to take on every idea that someone else had thought of to have the perfect wedding
Lucinda Rose
But when they arrived back home, she was overwhelmed by guilt and shame at having spent £40,000 on a wedding she hated.
She took to her bed for six weeks.
Lucinda says: “We’d only put in £10,000 ourselves, my mum paid for pretty much everything else and I felt absolutely awful about it.
“It had all gone so fast and some of the stuff I spent money on wasn’t even used, like the bathroom baskets and the flip-flops for female guests to change into.
“And I’d spent a further £2,000 on Ian’s outfit — we went to Scotland to get him a kilt at the last minute.
“I went to bed for six weeks and cried.
“Between sobbing spells, I watched endless episodes of Midsomer Murders.
“Ian was so worried and couldn’t understand — he still says the wedding was the best day of his life.
“Over the following weeks, I went on endless walks with my dog, trying to come to terms with everything.
“When the photographs and videos arrived three months later and I saw how much everyone had enjoyed it, that was the push I needed to get back on track.
“Even if I hadn’t had a great time, at least my guests had.”
But Lucinda still struggles to talk about her big day.
If I could have stopped it all and saved her from the anguish and pain she was putting herself through then I would have
Ian Brown
“I’m in no doubt it was my fault. I got swept up and lost perspective.
“I let myself be influenced by social media and thought I needed to take on every idea that someone else had thought of to have the perfect wedding.
“But I know that I’m not alone, which is why I want to talk about it.
“I want to warn the newly engaged not to be like me and to reassure other women that it’s not uncommon.”
The couple are now looking forward to celebrating their one-year anniversary with a modest ceremony in Scotland.
Lucinda says: “I long to elope with Ian on our anniversary, to Gretna Green.
“I love him more than ever, and want a simple wedding just for us.
“I’ve already got a dress, which I bought as a back-up wedding gown, but this one was only £30, which is the sort of wedding I really am having this time.”
Ian says: “Initially I wanted to be involved in the planning of the wedding but it took on a life of its own.
“I was more concerned about Lucinda’s health.
“If I could have stopped it all and saved her from the anguish and pain she was putting herself through then I would have.
“At the same time I loved the day. I soaked it all up and it was the best day of my life.
“But I was so worried about Lucinda after the wedding.
“I’m looking forward to a second wedding that’ll be focused on us.”
