My shopping addiction left me suicidal – I racked up £50k debt buying everything from tea towels to M&S chocolate
SHARON BULL felt a familiar buzz of anticipation handing three near-identical designer dresses to the cashier.
She added three pairs of heels, two handbags and three sets of earrings to her pile.
When her payment cleared, and Sharon had her beautifully wrapped purchases in her grasp, she was hit with the high she had been craving.
The 64-year-old former travel executive was riding on a cloud that she knew would fade by morning, replaced with a sense of self-loathing and hatred.
For Sharon is one of the thousands of people in the UK struggling with a shopping addiction.
Looking back, she admits: “I was drowning in £50,000 worth of debt from my spending sprees.
“I’d do anything to get my shopping fix and it meant I lost everything — even my home.
“I spent hundreds of thousands on everything and anything from clothes to tea towels.
“I couldn’t go a day without getting a fix and I was so addicted that if I passed a shop I simply had to go in and pick up something I didn’t need.”
UK Addiction Treatment Centres estimate that between 200,000 and 350,000 people are shopping addicts in the UK.
Estimates also suggest that up to 90 per cent are women.
Sharon, who lives in Nottingham, admits that her addiction went unnoticed for years.
‘I sat down and cried’
She says: “When people saw me, they’d see a successful woman. I had my own house, a great career and was the life of the party.
“What they didn’t see was the mental health turmoil I was fighting since I was a teenager.”
After leaving school at 18, Sharon got her first job in 1976 working at a shop.
“That’s when I had my first breakdown and was sent for counselling as I was suffering from depression and anxiety,” she recalls.
“A psychiatrist I saw recommended I go to Boots and see their beauty consultant. He told me I needed to learn how to do my make-up and overhaul my look because a man would never marry a woman like me.
“It totally shattered my confidence and was the trigger that started it all.
“I was buying make-up by the trolley load.”
That was the start of Sharon’s four decades of a secret shopping addiction.
She says: “I hid it well. By 29, I had bought a two-bedroom house and was a marketing executive in ta travel company.
“No one had a clue how much I was struggling.”
Sharon says that her addiction was spiralling out of control.
I’d go into M&S and leave with £200 worth of fancy olive oil and chocolates. I simply couldn’t control myself
Sharon
“If I had a bad day or someone said something about my looks, I’d head to the shops,” she says.
“If I saw a set of sheets I liked I would buy them for myself, and then one in every colour for the rest of my family.
“Dropping £400 on bedding in one transaction wasn’t out of the ordinary — it was the instant gratification I needed.
“I loaded up a trolley with posh cutlery and crockery knowing I would never use them but was unable to resist.
“I’d go into M&S and leave with £200 worth of fancy olive oil and chocolates. I simply couldn’t control myself.
“Of course I was aware of how unwell I was, but I was a high-functioning addict so no one else saw the signs.”
Sharon admits that she would be hit with waves of guilt and shame.
“I was in a shopping centre carrying bags with £500 worth of jeans and shirts with absolutely no idea who they were for,” she says.
“Then I went straight into a high-end perfume shop and spent £600 on perfumes I already had.
“I became completely overwhelmed and I sat down on a bench and just started crying.
“The high of the shopping had hit a wall of self-hatred. I felt out of control and ashamed. I felt like a fraud.”
Sharon was earning around £40,000 at the time and says credit cards were too easily accessible to help fund her habit.
‘Rock bottom’
In 2011, aged 52, Sharon suffered a further blow when she took voluntary redundancy.
She says: “My work gave me an identity and it paid for my shopping obsession so I felt incredibly vulnerable. I started binge drinking and binge eating, using alcohol and food to replace the high I had previously got from shopping.”
In April 2011, Sharon hit rock bottom and attempted to take her own life.
“Everything I’d been masking hit me all at once.
“I took an overdose of pills and alcohol. I just couldn’t handle the hate I felt for myself.
“It was my rock bottom, but it was also my wake-up call. I knew the only person who could save me was me.”
Sharon lost her house and had to enter an Individual Voluntary Arrangement — a legal agreement with creditors, where you agree to pay off a portion of your debts while the rest will be written off.
How to get free debt help
THERE are several groups which can help you with your problem debts for free.
- Citizens Advice – 0800 144 8848 (England) 0800 702 2020 (Wales)
- StepChange – 0800138 1111
- National Debtline – 0808 808 4000
- Debt Advice Foundation – 0800 043 4050
You can also find information about Debt Management Plans (DMP) and Individual Voluntary Agreements (IVA) by visiting MoneyHelper.org.uk or Gov.UK.
Speak to one of these organisations – don’t be tempted to use a claims management firm.
They say they can write-off lots of your debt in return for a large upfront fee.
But there are other options where you don’t need to pay.
She says: “I moved back in with my mum Jean, now 86, who was wonderful.
“I knew it was the only way to get well and save my life.”
Sharon decluttered her entire life, donating much of her furniture and clothes to charity.
“I focused on me,” she says. “I learned to accept that I was good enough without all the possessions.
“I spent time hiking and walking. I made my life simple.
“I gave myself a small allowance and I swore off credit cards.
“It was hard, but I knew I wasn’t going to let my demons beat me. I had lost a home, a career, I had spent hundreds of thousands on things I didn’t need, and I was £50,000 in debt. But I knew I mattered.”
Sharon is now in a stable financial situation and says that she has learned to find an appreciation for the simple things in life.
“Mum and I rent. I don’t own any property. I no longer have credit cards. I have finished the IVA. I feel totally in control.
“Its vital to realise the simple life is important.
“You don’t need to spend big to justify your importance in this world.”
Sharon started giving speeches about her addiction recovery all over the country.
She also set up a support group that has now become a charity called Compassionate Voices CIC, which helps to promote good mental health.
She credits it with helping her find her real purpose in life.
“We provide support for women and girls who need a safe space to find support,” she says.
“It’s a chance to give back and to offer women the support I never had when I was at my lowest.”
Sharon's advice
Declutter: Getting rid of things dissuades you from buying more
Get rid of credit cards
Give yourself a small allowance
If you feel a negative urge, do something positive – such as exercise or mediation
Get support in doing a budget
Keep a note of how you are feeling – ‘journal’ your emotions
Get back to basics
Admit you need help and seek support
You're Not Alone
EVERY 90 minutes in the UK a life is lost to suicide
It doesn’t discriminate, touching the lives of people in every corner of society – from the homeless and unemployed to builders and doctors, reality stars and footballers.
It’s the biggest killer of people under the age of 35, more deadly than cancer and car crashes.
And men are three times more likely to take their own life than women.
Yet it’s rarely spoken of, a taboo that threatens to continue its deadly rampage unless we all stop and take notice, now.
That is why The Sun launched the You’re Not Alone campaign.
The aim is that by sharing practical advice, raising awareness and breaking down the barriers people face when talking about their mental health, we can all do our bit to help save lives.
Let’s all vow to ask for help when we need it, and listen out for others… You’re Not Alone.
If you, or anyone you know, needs help dealing with mental health problems, the following organisations provide support:
- CALM, www.thecalmzone.net, 0800 585 858
- Heads Together,www.headstogether.org.uk
- HUMEN www.wearehumen.org
- Mind, www.mind.org.uk, 0300 123 3393
- Papyrus, www.papyrus-uk.org, 0800 068 41 41
- Samaritans,www.samaritans.org, 116 123