I’m tired of being a people-pleaser and being walked all over – how do I start saying ‘no’?
DEAR DEIDRE: WHY do I always put the needs of others before my own? Being a people-pleaser is exhausting and makes me miserable.
I am a 32-year-old single man. As far back as I can remember I have let people walk all over me.
It doesn’t matter how inconvenient something is or how little I want to do it, I always end up volunteering.
I’ll tell myself “just say no” but then hear “I’ll do it” coming from my mouth.
It’s important to me to be kind and I like making other people happy, but recently I’ve noticed a lot of people take advantage of my nature.
For example, I don’t drink much and often offer to drive people home after a big night out, but now I’m always the designated driver.
Get in touch with the Dear Deidre team
Every problem gets a personal reply from one of our trained counsellors.
Fill out and submit our easy-to-use and confidential form and the Dear Deidre team will get back to you.
You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page or email us at:
deardeidre@the-sun.co.uk
Some pals have even got grumpy when I go home before they want to.
How do I start saying “no”?
DEIDRE SAYS: You recognise that you’re a people-pleaser and that’s the first step to being more assertive.
People-pleasing is about seeking acceptance from others but neglecting yourself.
While it’s wrong that others take advantage of your kindness, self-awareness will help you to stop this in future.
Take small steps. To raise your confidence, start to practise saying “no” in low-key situations.
My support pack Standing Up For Yourself will help.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
