My married lover is sexting other women but denies it – I thought he cared for me
DEAR DEIDRE: NOT content with having sex with me, my married lover is sexting other women too.
He also exchanges explicit pictures and videos with them — but denies it all. I’m starting to think he is unhinged.
I’m 32 and he’s 35. We met at a mutual friend’s wedding. He and his wife were sitting at the same table.
His wife seemed pleasant enough but she wasn’t very chatty. After the meal, I headed for the bar and he came over to join me.
He was very flirty and asked if I would dance. His wife had gone home with a headache.
After a few dances, he asked for my number.
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I hesitated, knowing he was married, but he was persistent and I gave in.
One thing led to another, and we ended up back in my hotel room for sex.
We have now been having an affair for six months.
He loves to send me dirty messages and pictures.
But a few weeks ago, I discovered I wasn’t his only lover.
He left his phone on the bedside table while he showered and I found sexts with other women.
He had even sent them the same videos and pics he sent to me.
I confronted him but he blatantly lied and denied it, saying I was the one with the problem because I’m insecure.
Since then, I have kept an eye on his phone and he hasn’t stopped. He seems addicted.
I believe he has a real problem and needs help.
I know we’re in an illicit relationship, and if he can cheat on his wife, he can cheat on me too, but I thought I meant something to him.
Am I wrong to expect him to be faithful to me?
My gut tells me I need to leave him, but I don’t think I’m strong enough to resist him.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: Don’t waste any more time with this man. He only cares about his own pleasure and will never leave his wife for you or be faithful to anyone.
My support pack, Your Lover Not Free, explains more about the pitfalls of affairs.
He may have an addiction to sex. It is likely he will only overcome this with professional support.
But if he is in denial, he won’t seek it – and you can’t make him.
Without him you will be happier. Read my support pack, Ending A Relationship, for tips on how to leave once and for all.