I was so addicted to porn my hair fell out and I had sex ‘nightmares’ – I couldn’t go to the toilet without masturbating
A MAN became so addicted so porn his hair fell out and he was tormented by sex ‘nightmares’.
Joshua Simon, 25, discovered videos on porn sites when he was 12 and masturbated in secret, despite the activity being frowned upon in his Christian household.
But things spiralled for Joshua when he got his first mobile phone aged 16 and he could access porn easily.
Despite vowing to stop because of the shame he felt, he couldn’t and what followed was a five-year addiction to porn and masturbation.
At its worst, he would spend all night watching porn and masturbate three times a day.
The effects became physical – he said he lost weight and his hair began falling out.
Joshua even began having nightmares about being seduced – despite living in a culture which, he says, would frown upon sex before marriage.
Finally, aged 21, enough became enough and Joshua says he began praying more regularly, going to church and going cold-turkey on any masturbation.
Now Joshua feels “free” – and wants to raise awareness of porn addictions, which men often battle in silence due to the “shame”.
Masturbation had a mind of its own, it didn’t want me to fight it. The more I wanted to stop, I couldn’t – it was draining me.
Joshua Simon
Joshua, a freelance content writer, from Akwa Ibom State, Nigeria, said: “The first time I masturbated it was a life-changing experience – I was so disorientated.
“I came from a Christian background and afterwards I begged God to forgive me.
“After I finished high school it became serious – any time I went to the toilet I would take my phone.
“I started losing control – masturbation had a mind of its own, it didn’t want me to fight it.
“The more I wanted to stop, I couldn’t – it was draining me. I started losing my hair, and my parents and siblings thought I was sick.
“When I finally had a breakthrough I put my foot down, I knew I had to stop.
“It was a daily struggle at first but it got easier.
“Now I am free of it all.”
‘I just wanted to hide’
Joshua began to search for steamy content at a young age, after enjoying watching romantic soap operas where men and women would kiss.
Aged 12, he watched his first porn video and masturbated once at that age but found it so disorientating that he didn’t again until he was 16 – and he got his first mobile phone.
He said: “I started losing control and then it would be four or five times a week – then it got up to three times a day.
“I got to the point I started losing hair off my head and losing weight – I knew I needed to stop and I told myself I’d stop when I went to college.”
I started experiencing people attacking me and seducing me in dreams – when I woke up it would feel like there was someone on top of me.
Joshua Simon
But when Joshua went to study petroleum engineering aged 18, his addiction only worsened.
He said: “It impacted me mentally too – the guilt made me feel shy and timid.
“I felt so bad about myself, I just wanted to hide away.
“My concentration and memory got bad and my eyes even started to feel blurred.”
When he was 19, Joshua’s addiction began infiltrating his sleep too, as he began having sex-related nightmares.
He said: “I started experiencing people attacking me and seducing me in dreams – when I woke up it would feel like there was someone on top of me.”
Breaking the taboo
Aged 21 Joshua had a “breakthrough” where he realised he needed to kick the addiction to get his life back.
He began praying, fasting and regularly attending church in order to re-establish his faith.
He abstained from watching porn or masturbating – despite his addiction giving him strong temptations.
The longer he held off, the more the temptation reduced, and he finally kicked his five-year habit.
In 2022 he finally confessed what he had been going through to his family.
Joshua said: “I thought they might hate me for it.
“I told them everything I had been battling, and I was crying – but they prayed for me.”
Signs you are addicted to porn
There is no definitive or formal definition of ‘porn addiction’.
It is not a clinical diagnosis and is given only a mention in the World Health Organisation’s ‘compulsive sexual behaviour disorder’ description.
Classification of what constitutes an addiction to porn addiction has been contested.
Therefore, experts prefer not to use an ‘hours-per-day threshold’ to diagnose porn addiction.
They say consumption is considered problematic if it interferes with daily life.
Psychotherapist Dr Paula Hall, who set up The Laurel Centre for sex and porn addiction, says: “The International Classification of Diseases document [maintained by the World Health Organization] says it needs to have caused significant distress in your life for at least six months.
“If it’s fun and not causing any problems in your life, it’s probably not an addiction.
“But for someone who has developed an addiction, it’s not fun any more.
“People know in their heart of hearts, ‘I need to get a grip, and I can’t’. That’s when it has become a problem.”
On the NHS page ‘Can you become addicted to sex?’ it says sex addiction is “any sexual activity that feels ‘out of control’.”
Some say those with porn addiction neglect self-care and responsibilities, socially withdraw, potentially engage in illegal activity or other addictions and live a ‘double life’, seemingly fine to others.
Other issues include porn-related erectile dysfunction or a general lack of sexual desire in real relationships.
How to get help
If you suspect you might be addicted to porn, it might be useful to speak to your GP about your concerns.
They’ll be able to explore your symptoms and the impact they’re having on your life, and refer you for specialist porn addiction treatment if needed.
Alternatively, you can contact a private addiction provider.
You can also access resources through charities like the Naked Truth or Relate, which provide counselling and support.
Since then Joshua has been able to fully kick his addiction and has been porn-free for six months.
He has even recently got into his first relationship – which he says his addiction had prevented him from doing before.
He wants to raise awareness of the addiction – which can be debilitating and feel shameful because of the taboo around it.
Joshua said: “The temptations are still there once in a while – there will always be that on my mind – but I don’t listen to it at all.
“Now I feel more self confident, I’ve got back my health, and my looks now my hair has grown back.
“Sharing my story with others and raising awareness will complete my healing.
“Since I overcame my addiction I feel like I have been set free completely.”
