I’m worried my alcoholic dad is driving my mother into an early grave

DEAR DEIDRE: MY alcoholic dad is ruining my life and driving my mother into an early grave.

Last week he had a fall and ended up in hospital. I’m ashamed to say it might have been better for everyone if he’d died.

I’m a 38-year-old man, and I’m married with three young children.

My father, 65, has been alcoholic for 20 years. 

He drinks every day, often into unconsciousness. 

He’s been told by his doctor to stop drinking many times, but however many times he promises to try, he never manages it. 

At the weekend, he drank so much that he fell and hit his head, giving himself a concussion. 

My mum, 63, found him in a pool of blood and rushed him to hospital, where they kept him for several days. 

As soon as he was discharged, he hit the bottle again. 

My mum is desperately unhappy but she’s scared to leave him as she fears he’ll die. She says she’s his only carer and if she goes, he’ll have no-one.

But I feel she’s wasting her life on him. He doesn’t deserve it.

Sometimes I can’t help thinking it would be a blessing if he did drink himself to death

I worry about them all the time when I should be focusing on my children.

What should I do?

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Deidre says:

Unfortunately, you can’t make your dad stop drinking or seek help unless he wants to.  

And it sounds like he’s in denial.

My support pack, Dealing with a Problem Drinker, will tell you more about this, and where your dad can go for help, if he agrees to. 

Let your mum know you’re there for her, but make it clear how worried you are about her.

She can still help your dad, even if she leaves him. 

You both need support too. Talk in confidence to Al-Anon for people affected by someone else’s drinking (al-anonuk.org.uk, tel: 0800 0086 811).