My husband room-shared with a woman in Paris and insisted it was innocent
DEAR DEIDRE: My husband took a female colleague to Paris on a business trip and they shared the same bedroom. I know they have had sex.
After his trip he brazenly showed me pictures of them both on top of the Eiffel Tower and posing on the Champs Elysees. He insists he hasn’t done anything wrong.
He says he takes her for business reasons only, but I can tell there is more to it.
I’m 41, my husband is 42 and he has an online clothing business. His colleague is his finance manager. She’s 35.
Suspicious about the trip I looked at his business email and saw he’d only booked one hotel room.
When I asked why there weren’t two bookings, he started waffling about how he’d booked it so late and the hotel rooms were full, they had no choice but to share.
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He tried to reassure me nothing had happened and they slept in separate beds but I simply don’t believe him.
He moved into the flat above his office a few months ago, saying he’d be less tired if he didn’t commute, so he only comes home at weekends now.
While he was away, I had to go into hospital for an operation on my spine. He didn’t think it warranted cancelling his trip.
He’s very secretive about his phone when he is home now. I’ve called him out on his behaviour, asking if he’s having an affair but he says that his colleague is a practising Christian and she doesn’t believe in sex before marriage.
But if she’s sharing a bedroom with a married man, she can’t be that religious!
He was here with me last night but the cat got more attention than I did. I feel I might have lost him to his work friend.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: You may well have. He’s doing nothing to convince you he is still invested in your marriage. From what you have written he seems to have checked out.
Find a moment to tell him that you’re unhappy and feel his relationship with this woman is coming between you.
Let him know that you are going to find a counsellor to help work out where you go from here.
He can decide to go with you, or leave you to go alone.
At least then you will be proactive rather than hanging in limbo. Contact BACP – British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (www.bacp.co.uk, tel: 01455 883300) for help.