I supported my boyfriend financially while he was having sex with other women
DEAR DEIDRE: I did everything I could to support my boyfriend both financially and emotionally, after his redundancy, so to discover he went out and had sex with another woman was a stinging slap in the face.
He had a one-night stand with one girl, and kissed another. I’m sure he’d have had sex with her too, if she’d agreed.
He claims it was a mistake and he still loves me, but I can’t forgive him.
I’m 31 and he’s 29. We’ve been together for two years.
Until this happened, we were so happy together. I’m not the jealous type and I never once doubted his fidelity or his feelings for me.
In fact, I was sure he was the one. That’s why what he did hurt me so much.
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His retail company let him go when they went into liquidation.
He went out drinking a lot with his friends. I worried he was drinking too much and we argued.
A few months later, he got a new job. I was so happy for him.
Then he said he needed to get something off his chest. He confessed that while he’d been on the dole, he’d been unfaithful with two women.
It was during the evenings he’d got drunk with his mates. He’d actually had sex with one of them in the pub toilets – so cheap and nasty.
He said the girls meant nothing and it happened because he was in a ‘bad place’. It’s such a massive betrayal.
I’ve told him we’re over, but he keeps sending me messages and gifts, begging me to take him back.
I do love him but I don’t think I can trust him again. What should I do?
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: Losing their job can have a big impact on someone’s self-esteem. Your boyfriend may have been uncomfortable about your financial support too.
Perhaps he felt unattractive, and getting attention from other women boosted his confidence.
Although that is no excuse for cheating. Instead, he should have talked to you about how he felt.
Now you need to decide if you want to give him a second chance. You say you love him, but no relationship can work without trust.
That takes time and a lot of effort to rebuild. Promises and gifts aren’t enough. He has to be willing to talk through why he strayed and work on rebuilding your relationship. This won’t be a quick fix.
Read my support pack, Cheating, Can You Get Over It, together.