I’m the biological dad of my sister’s baby – I’m also his uncle, it makes perfect sense to us
A BROTHER donated his sperm so his sister-in-law could get pregnant – so now he’s the uncle to his biological son.
Adam Zayden, 25, knew his sister Jade, 29, and her wife Eefje, 30, had been trying for a baby since 2018, but couldn’t find a donor.
Every time he caught up with them they sounded “more-and-more frustrated” and after three years, Adam suggested he donate his own sperm to Eefje.
She got pregnant after six months of trying – inseminating herself with the help of Jade at home after Adam “did his thing” while Jade walked the dog.
Their baby boy, now 16 months old, was born on March 18, 2023, weighing 9lb.
Jade says her baby has “mine and Adam’s bum chin,” but looks mostly like Eefje.
Adam, a social media influencer from Newham, London, said: “They’d become so frustrated with the donor process – it just felt like the right, and ‘easy’ thing to do.
“This whole process has made me so much closer to my sister and her partner.
“Now they have a little boy, and I’m really happy for them.”
Jade, a researcher and developer, and Eefje, a vet, who live in Amsterdam, always wanted to have kids after getting .
“Children was always something Eefje wanted,” Jade said.
“I wasn’t so sure because of our little sister and how much work that was.
“But in the end, I was very happy to start our own little family.
“And I wouldn’t want it any other way.”
They said it was really important for them as a couple to have a baby of their own.
Adoption seemed like a lengthy and expensive process – so sperm donation felt like the most effective route.
Despite asking a couple of mutual friends to be a sperm donor, each one fell through.
They decided to sign up for some “alternative” donation websites, instead.
“They essentially started ‘dating around’ for a donor,” said Adam, who IS SINGLE? doesn’t have kids of his own.
“They live out in the Netherlands – artificial insemination isn’t covered by health insurance so the search can be quite extensive.”
How to become a sperm donor
COUPLES struggling to have a baby of their own, or same sex families, may need the help of a sperm donation.
A sperm donor needs to undergo some tests before donating.
According to CoParent.co.uk, centres may require donors to:
- Be aged between 18 and 41
- Agree to be screened for medical conditions
- Be free from any serious medical disability or any sexually transmitted diseases
- Be healthy and fit
- Know and provide information about the medical history of their family (parents, grand-parents, siblings and children)
- Have no inherited disorders within their family
- Not use any drugs
- Agree that their ID can be released if requested by any person conceived as a result of their donations once said person reaches the age of 18
- Provide a proof of ID (copy of their passport or driving licence)
- Be willing to commit their time to the sperm donation process
- Have high sperm quality (motility, count, and shape).
To find the nearest licensed clinic, check out the Human Fertilisation and Embryology Authority (HFEA) website.
Eefje and Jade found a number of sperm donors were asking to conceive the “natural” way – unprotected sex.
Adam said: “They’d met a couple of nice people.
“But they had quite an unfortunate situation where everything was going really well, at first.
“They even set up a donor contract with him – which is an agreement where you set out your intentions for how you want the donation to work.
“But he literally turned around and said he wanted to do things the ‘natural’ way.
“He wanted to sleep with my sister-in-law – which was never in the realm of what they wanted.
“It was basically supposed to be a case of him taking himself off to the bathroom.
“Then, my sister-in-law inseminates herself.”
While they didn’t have to pay any fees to the donors – they often lost money travelling to meet them.
Eefje and Jade grew increasingly frustrated by the process.
“It really was an emotional rollercoaster,” Jade added.
“Because you’re opening yourself up in the most vulnerable of times.
“You’re welcoming, essentially, strangers, into your life.
“You’re then dependent on strangers to help fulfill one of your biggest dreams.”
Eefje said: “You’re also being exposed to a lot of potential hate.
“Whether that’s from sharing your experience, or just in general while searching for a donor.”
In 2021, they called Adam to explain how hopeless they were feeling – and asked him if he might consider donating his own sperm.
“They’d joked before about me giving them mine,” he added.
“But I didn’t realise they were actually open to that.
“After all their trials and tribulations, they called me sometime in 2021.
“They essentially just said, ‘we’re really struggling with this stuff.’ “And if I’d be okay with it.”
Adam said it was an easy decision to make.
He doesn’t want to have any kids of his own in the future, so thought this would be a good opportunity to help his sister out.
“It really wasn’t that big of a deal,” he said.
“I’m a queer person myself, and I don’t really see myself having kids.”
Before donating, Adam had to go through a number of tests to find out if he was a suitable donor.
He took an STD test, which came back clear, as well as having his sperm count examined.
“I found out I’m very fertile,” he added.
“Which is always fun to find out.”
It wasn’t until we properly started the process that we realised how much nicer it was having someone like Adam to help
Jade
Doctors then asked him to take a “pill” to boost his sperm count – and was told to keep an eye on when Eefje was ovulating.
He said: “Every night during that one-week period, Jade would take the dog out for a walk.
“I’d go upstairs, do my thing, and hand Eefje the sperm.”
Adam did this for six-to-seven days each month, between December 2021 and June 2022.
In June 2022, Eefje discovered she was pregnant – just two weeks along – and their baby was born on March 18 2023.
“I’ve met him quite a few times now,” Adam said.
“I am his uncle, but I’m known as ‘bibi.’ “We’re hoping I’ll be ‘bibi Adam’ when he starts talking.
“He’s a very happy, jolly kid.”
Jade said: “It wasn’t until we properly started the process that we realised how much nicer it was having someone like Adam to help.
“It was great having someone you really know and trust, because it’s such an emotional time.”