I grew up on ‘Britain’s biggest hellhole’ estate – now I’m a millionaire and I’ve no regrets about cutting off my family
A MUM has revealed how she cut off her entire family, and argues it was the best decision of her life as she’s now a millionaire.
At the age of just 36, ‘mumpreneur’ Jessica Crane has already made millions as a salon owner, property guru, wealth and business coach and public speaker and enjoys regular trips to Dubai with her husband Jordan, son Hunter, 9 and daughter Harley, 8.
But Jessica’s upbringing in Ward End, Birmingham – described as a ‘hellhole’ by one newspaper – was far from glamorous.
“The area was known for knife crime, drugs, guns and pitbull fights,” she says.
“The police stopped responding to call-outs and at night, I’d struggle to sleep through the sound of sirens and fighting outside.
“I saw how the women on the estate suffered financial, physical and emotional abuse at the hands of men.”
Her tough upbringing meant Jessica learned from the age of 12 that hard work was the only way out of a life of poverty and violence.
“After years of witnessing men being violent to women, and made to feel ‘not enough,’ I was emotionally burnt out and untrusting of people,” she admits.
“I felt disconnected and guarded in my relationships.”
Now with a family of her own, Jessica decided that to move forward, she needed to distance herself from her former life.
She admits it was a difficult choice but felt it was her only option when it came to moving on with her life.
“When I became a mother, the hurt and betrayal I felt deepened as I realised people I trusted had been willing to hurt me,” Jessica explains.
“I made multiple attempts to mend damaged relationships, but when met with dismissive and belittling responses, I knew it was time to prioritise my own well-being.”
Rebuilding her life away from her family, Jessica explains that she found a new sense of belonging in her ‘chosen family’ and friends.
“I have always been self-sufficient and focused on creating my own environment.
“I never felt like I belonged in that family, and I found support and love in my husband, children, and close friends.
“My husband is very family oriented and our children are our top priority.
“We have lots of close friends who I consider more as family who we love to be around and spend time with.
“I think it is healthy to choose to be around the people who fill your cup.”
Jessica explains that, although the decision to cut ties with family may be controversial, it is entirely justified.
Breaking free from generational cycles of trauma can bring about feelings of guilt and obligation, but Jessica emphasises that it gets easier over time.
She now coaches female entrepreneurs and often advises clients struggling with similar issues to set firm boundaries and consider taking a break from toxic relationships if needed.
Jessica's advice for parents wanting to build wealth
- For children to develop a good money mindset, help them to analyse their spend/save behaviour. Encourage them to set their own goals.
For example, Harley wants to save £100 this year, so when we’re out shopping and she asks for something, I like to test how much she actually wants it. If she thinks she’s using her own money, she suddenly won’t want it so much. Hunter, meanwhile, always spends on football boots, which he sees as a sound investment, given he wears them seven days a week”.
- Check you’re getting the best return on their savings. Would an ISA be better? Studies show that compound interest over the past 20-30 years has turned some millennials into ISA millionaires. Get kids to consider putting their Christmas and birthday money into savings accounts and ISAs. Teach them how to budget and know that anything’s possible if you’re willing to do the work.
- The truth is, it’s a tragedy that children don’t learn about money, mortgages, debt, interest, compound, etc in school. Find fun resources to teach them at home. Most importantly, you are their role model – set the example you want them to follow.
“I’ve noticed a lot of women I coach going through a similar thing – some are the first in their families to own a business, create significant wealth, or stop domestic abuse and drug abuse,” she says.
“Where possible, a relationship can continue if there are healthy roots.
“The initial move would be to put some firm boundaries in place to protect you, your space, energy and environment.
“If the relationships are toxic and your boundaries are not being respected – maybe it’s time to take a break. If it’s less painful, you can tell yourself that this is a short-term break initially – but the main thing is that this decision has to serve you, your mental wellbeing.
“You can live your life, and they can live theirs. Your paths may not align, and that’s okay.”