His lover says infertile husband is the dad
DEAR DEIDRE: DISCOVERING my husband was infertile was horrendous but then a woman he had sex with came forward and claimed he fathered her child.
It’s put our relationship under unimaginable pressure.
Worse still she is shameless and has cosied up to his family convincing them her baby is related to them.
She constantly posts all about it online. The worst part is that she refuses to do a paternity test.
I’m 37, my husband is 39 and we’ve been married for six years.
After failing to conceive, we turned to IVF three years ago. At the time we were so hopeful, but then we found out that my husband had Azoospermia, which means he had no sperm in his ejaculate.
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It hit our relationship really hard. I admit I withdrew from him initially and feel partially responsible for him finding comfort in the arms of another woman.
After he cheated he came clean almost instantly, and while it was hard, I chose to stay and work through it.
We were finally getting back on track when his former lover turned up and revealed she was pregnant with his child. We were both dumbfounded.
While we insisted that it wasn’t possible, she was adamant that she hadn’t slept with anyone else and the child had to be his.
Ever since she’s convinced all of his family that he’s the father, despite the fact it’s physically impossible.
Now she’s demanding child support and my husband’s family are standing behind her.
We’ve tried everything to get through to them, but nobody seems to believe us.
What do we do?
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: You and your husband are working through so much; his infertility, his betrayal and now this woman’s persistence.
Establishing paternity of her child is crucial. Even though your husband has denied being the father, if he has been named by the mother as the father, he will have to pay child maintenance until DNA testing proves otherwise.
If she keeps refusing this, you may have to take legal action. You can get free advice through your local Citizens Advice (www.citizensadvice.org.uk).
It’s clear this woman wants one thing, and that’s to be in your husband’s life.
While it is upsetting that his family believes this woman, you and your husband are the only two people who really matter here.
Do consider relationship counselling to make sure you are working through all of these hefty issues. Tavistock Relationships (tavistockrelationships.org.uk) can help.