I’m maid of honour but refusing to go to my best friend’s wedding – I have my reasons but they’ve divided people
A MAID of honour has sparked a debate after saying she is stepping down from the role and refusing to attend her best friend’s wedding after receiving her invitation.
The woman shared in a video how the bride refused to invite her husband, despite them being together for five years.
On her @_yoursafespace_e account, she wrote: “Please stop scrolling. Am I the a**hole? “My best friend is getting married next month, and I stepped down from my place as maid of honour, and now I’m being tagged the bad person.
“My best friend got proposed to in March, and her wedding would be next month.
“Of course, she asked me to be her maid of honour, and I accepted.
“I helped her in the whole wedding preparation process, from the wedding dress down to the food and drinks.
“She even told me she doesn’t know how she would have coped without me.
“Anyways, the wedding is strictly by invitation, and so I got sent my wedding invite, but there was a problem.
“No plus one on the invite.
“I’ve been married for two years, and although my husband and best friend are not close, they are cordial with each other, so I thought this was probably a mistake.”
The woman said she had asked her best friend about it and was told they were only inviting people they knew personally.
The maid of honour said she was left “confused” by the snub, as she had dated her partner for three years before they got married two years ago.
The woman asked the bride if she considered her husband a “stranger” and was told “no” but that she was her friend and not him.
The maid of honour continued: “I was further dumbfounded and asked her why she would exclude my husband from my invite and to tell me if she had any issues with him or if he had done anything to her.
“She said no, she just didn’t want to invite people that weren’t her friends to her wedding.
“I told her I would not be attending the wedding if my husband wasn’t invited, and she told me that I was selfish.
“It was her day, and she had every right to decide who gets an invite.
“I told her that was correct, but it was also my right to decline an invite if the conditions to attend didn’t suit me.
“I wasn’t forcing her to invite him; we just wouldn’t be attending.
“I told my husband about it, and although he found it weird since they were cool with each other, he asked me to still go, but I told him no.
I was further dumbfounded and asked her why she would exclude my husband from my invite and to tell me if she had any issues with him or if he had done anything to her
Maid of honour
“If she didn’t value my marriage enough to include my spouse, then she can get married without me. He tried talking me out of it, but I stuck to my guns.”
The woman shared how her stance had garnered both “support and criticism” from friends and family.
She added: “Some said I should stop throwing a tantrum and allow the bride to do what she wanted since it was her wedding, while others said I was right.
“I’m starting to think maybe I should have just respected her wishes since my husband said I could go.
Should bridesmaids get a plus one at weddings?
CHOOSING your wedding guest list can be one of the most tricky parts of a wedding - particularly when it comes to plus ones. But should you bring your partner if you are in the bridal party? Fabulous writer Becky Pemberton - who has been a bridesmaid seven times - gives her views…
It’s always an honour to be asked to be in a bridal party and as a close friend, your priority lies with ensuring the bride has her dream day.
I’m very much of the belief of “your wedding, your rules”.
Far too many people forgo having the day they really want by letting other people have their say and by doing what they think other people expect them to do.
If you want a small wedding, or don’t have the budget to invite loads of people, only invite the people who will make the dream truly magical for you.
Don’t ditch close friends, just so someone else can have their plus one.
When you are in the bridal party, you are focused on the bride and making sure she has the best day – so often you don’t get time to fully hang out with your partner anyway.
If they don’t know anyone else, it can be more fun for you to have a day with the girls.
That being said, if you are close friends you will likely want your partner to be close to the bride and groom in an ideal world.
It can be a lovely feeling when a bride and groom invite your partner, as it can show they see them as a friend and value them in their lives too.
But what do the experts say?
Wedding expert Amber Harrison told Vogue everyone in the bridal party should receive a plus one.
She wrote: “Not only does a happy wedding party make a happy couple, but allowing a bridesmaid to bring her new boyfriend, for example, is a small token of appreciation you can offer in exchange for her efforts and support.”
“Yet a part of me still finds it very hurtful that she would consider my husband someone she didn’t know well enough to invite to her wedding.
“She had just started dating her fiancé when I got married, and yet he was invited to my wedding, so why the double standard?
“Please help.”
Many people criticised the bride for snubbing her maid of honour’s husband.
One person wrote: “She is joining her husband in matrimony and separating you from yours? Really?”
Another added: “my husband and I are one, if he’s not going, then I’m not going either!”
However, some people supported the bride.
One person commented: “It IS her wedding. If her decision for only INTIMATE FRIENDS there hurts you, you are free to make your decision. The bride did not do anything wrong.”