Why does everything deflate during sex with my girlfriend?

DEAR DEIDRE: Reaching peak sexual excitement with my girlfriend is possible for me, but then something changes and everything deflates.

I’m a man of 33 and I thought this was when I’d be in my prime. My girlfriend is 29. We are both each other’s firsts.

Sex the first time was rubbish but I figured it was nerves. I had three attempts to put a condom on and then I realised I was still wearing my socks – not a great look.

My girlfriend didn’t seem to mind. She said next time will be better.

We met online and we live over 100 miles away from one another so right now, our meet-ups are scarce but in between we’ve enjoyed some pretty steamy video calls.

Last week, I couldn’t wait to see her again. Friday night came and I met her off the train. I opened some wine and we started kissing while the dinner I’d made was cooking in the oven.

I got hard enough and I thought, ‘This is it. I’m going to go the distance’, but then out of nowhere I lost the feeling and couldn’t even climax. I feel so upset and frustrated by it. What am I doing wrong?

DEIDRE SAYS: Probably nothing. This sounds like classic performance anxiety – you worry about it once and then it happens a second time.

If you’ve been using pornography for sexual relief, you can become overly reliant on your own touch, which won’t have helped.

Taking your time is key so focus on your girlfriend and make sure you are doing things which make her feel good. Ask her to tell you and guide your hands.

You can do the same by asking your girlfriend to touch you in those erogenous zones. Massage, kissing and caressing can all help. Asking her to put on the condom can be more of a turn on than fumbling around yourself.

Only attempt intercourse when you feel ready. My support pack called Solving Erection Problems will help.

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