I saw red when partner said she wanted a cigarette during our holiday – am I overreacting?

DEAR DEIDRE: WHEN my partner said she fancied a cigarette during our holiday, I saw red.

She knows I’m vehemently anti-smoking because my father died of lung cancer. We ended up having a huge row, and now we aren’t speaking.

I’m 38 and she’s 36. We’ve been together for ten years.

My partner smoked when she was younger but gave up after we met. By that time, my dad was already gravely ill.

Last month, we went on holiday to Italy. One evening, she got out a packet of cigarettes.

I was horrified. She knows how much I hate the smell,  not to mention the fact smoking kills you.

She said I was overreacting and being a control freak. She told me she had no intention of starting smoking regularly again, it was just a holiday thing.

But I know how addictive it is. I can’t believe how selfish she was, when she knows how awful it was to watch my dad die. Now I can barely look at her. Am I overreacting?

DEIDRE SAYS: Your feelings about smoking are valid. It is addictive and dangerous.

Given what happened to your dad, it’s not surprising you feel strongly about it.

Make your partner see that your reaction came from fear and love rather than anger.

Tell her you want her to be around for as long as possible.

My support pack Looking After Your Relationship should help you talk.