I’m humiliated by my son’s ‘bad’ GCSEs, I paid £1K on tutors, I don’t want him to be a woke Gen Xer reliant on handouts
IT’S GCSE day across the UK – but what if your little darling didn’t get the grades they (or you) wanted?
That’s what has happened to mum Jane, 50, from Bucks, who was today “humiliated” by her son’s results, feeling nothing but shame.
Jane has now opened up to Fabulous in this searing confessional:
WATCHING my son Tom open his GCSE results this morning, I felt a wave of anticipation and excitement – I knew all our hard work would pay off and he was on a one-way pathway to becoming a doctor or lawyer.
That was his – and my – dream.
Hours of costly tutoring and revision, where I stood over him and helped him with the periodic table and works of Shakespeare, was finally going to pay off.
I couldn’t wait to see the row of nines – or A*s as they used to be known.
Mum’s shock
But instead of leaping in the air as he unfolded the paper, he looked horrified.
I grabbed the results out of his hand to see what was wrong. And a chilling wave of shock and disbelief hit me… I couldn’t believe what I was reading.
My son, who, based on his mocks, had been on track to get nines (A*s) and eights (As) in all his subjects, had effectively flunked.
Instead he got (Cs) and fives (Bs).
His – and my – dreams of medicine and law suddenly seemed distant. I had horrific visions of him claiming unemployment benefits.
I know he’s not the only kid to have suffered – marks have gone down nationwide – but I can’t help feeling hurt, humiliated and embarrassed.
I thought I would be calling up relatives and friends and boasting: ‘Oh Tom got all nines!’ but that was no longer going to happen.
And to make matters worse we went to the school to pick up his results, certain he would achieve great things.
Other mums and dads were celebrating their son or daughter’s achievements. All around me dads slapped their sons on the back and mums wiped away happy tears.
I gave Tom a cursory hug and then waved to the other mums, mouthing I was late for work, but really too humiliated to chat to them.
Tom and I fled to the car and by the time we got home I was crying. I felt guilty – I should’ve supported my boy – but I couldn’t help it.
We had a chat and I couldn’t help but tell him I was disappointed, although I knew he was too.
“It was the pressure of the day,” he said. “It’s just GCSEs. I’ll do better. You don’t understand the stress I felt.”
The thing is, none of it makes sense. Tom is not a naughty teen who bunks school, vapes behind the bike sheds and didn’t revise.
Instead, thanks partly to my can-do attitude, we studied every night.
For the past two years I paid £350 a month for a tutor. He’s done mock GCSE papers and extra work.
Key GCSE results at a glance:
- 21.8 per cent of entries were awarded grade 7/A or above, down slightly from 22.0 per cent last year
- 25.6 per cent of girls got 7/A grades, compared with 19.8 per cent of boys
- 1,270 brainboxes achieved straight 9/A* grades, with 145 hitting that perfect tally in more than 11 subjects
- Science remained the most popular subject, with business studies seeing the biggest increase
- More than 372,000 Tech Award certificates were issued, with the most popular subject Leisure, Travel and Tourism
When he dropped grades I made him write an apology letter.
So I told him, battling back tears: “Tom, none of this makes sense.
“We studied every night. You had tutors. I am definitely complaining to the school.”
“Why bother? There is always next time,” he said, with an attitude which infuriated me.
Then he apologised for letting me down and vowed he would do much better for his A-levels which start in September.
He is horrified but not ashamed and mortified like me.
I went to my bedroom to try and process my anger, frustration and sense of betrayal. I was appalled. I didn’t know what to say. I was numb with disappointment and worry.
Hope’s shattered
I had such high hopes for Tom and feel that he let down himself, his family and me.
I’ve spent all morning avoiding calls and texts from people wanting to know his results or bragging about their superstar son or daughter.
He’d always gotten good grades, and I’d never even considered anything other than top marks could happen – bad results were never factored into the equation.
I grew up in an area of town where it wasn’t considered ‘cool’ or good to do well at school.
Instead of bunking off school I was a swot, and got teased for it.
I was always top of my class, as was my husband.
It paid off. We have great jobs, a lovely house and get to take the kids on holidays abroad.
We have instilled in our children, including Tom, that top grades are the only way to make it in the real world.
I have seen people convince themselves bad results are just fine, and it wasn’t meant to be.
To me these are ‘woke excuses’ or Gen Zers not trying hard enough.
Rise of the smug mum
When I did speak to one super smug mum and shared Tom’s results her tone immediately changed.
“Oh dear. Poor you,” she said her voice tinged with a sense of sadness.
I know my sense of self is tied up in my children’s school performances.
I am a tough mother and with good reason. I want the very best for my kids and in my mind only top grades will do that.
My husband tells me I’m old school. He has occasionally told me I put too much pressure on Tom and to trust he’ll do well.
GCSEs - your questions answered
How do GCSE grades differ across the UK?
In England, GCSEs are graded using a numerical system from 9 to 1 rather than from A* to G – with 9 being the highest grade.
A grade 7 and above is roughly equivalent to an A and above, while a grade 4 and above – which is considered a “standard pass” – is roughly equivalent to a C and above.
But Government performance data highlights the percentage of pupils in a school who achieved a grade 5 or above in both English and maths – which is roughly equivalent to a high grade C or low grade B.
The rollout of the numerical grading system began in 2017 in England, and by 2020, all subjects were graded in numbers.
In Northern Ireland, the Council for the Curriculum, Examinations & Assessment uses a nine-category grade scale A* – G – which includes a C*.
In Wales, the traditional eight-category grade scale A*- G has been retained.
Scotland has a different qualification system and pupils received their results for National 5 exams on August 6.
How do approaches to grading differ?
In England, Ofqual has said it expects this year’s GCSE results to be “broadly similar” to last year, when grades were restored to pre-pandemic levels.
In Wales and Northern Ireland, exam regulators have said they aim to return to pre-pandemic grading levels this summer – a year later than in England.
It comes after Covid-19 led to an increase in top GCSE grades in 2020 and 2021, with results based on teacher assessments instead of exams.
But last week, the proportion of A-level entries in England, Wales and Northern Ireland awarded top grades surpassed pre-pandemic highs.
Ofqual’s chief regulator Sir Ian Bauckham said standards had been maintained, adding that any change was “largely due to the ability of the cohort”.
Was anything done this summer to support pupils taking GCSE exams?
Most pupils who took their GCSE exams this summer were in Year 7 when schools closed after the national lockdown in 2020.
In England, pupils were given formulae and equation sheets in GCSE mathematics, physics, and combined science exams to recognise the pandemic disruption to their secondary education.
The exam aids were also given to pupils last year, but they are not expected to be in place in 2025.
In Wales, the maths and science GCSE exams sat by pupils included relevant formulae within the papers, but these were already there before the pandemic.
Last summer, many GCSE students in Wales and Northern Ireland were given advance information about topics to expect in their exam papers, but this was not in place this year.
What can students do if they are not happy with their results?
Pupils are advised to speak to their preferred school or college to see if they can be flexible on entry requirements if they have just missed the grades.
In England, if a student is unhappy with their grade they can ask also their school or college to request that the exam board review the marking.
If there are still concerns after the review, the student can ask their school or college to appeal against the result.
Students can also choose to resit any GCSE exam in the summer of the following academic year if they are unhappy with their results.
But students can retake English language and maths GCSEs from this autumn.
In England, it is a requirement for students who do not secure at least a grade 4 in English language and/or maths GCSE to retake the subjects during post-16 education.
Students are funded to retake maths and/or English until they achieve a GCSE grade 9 to 4.
For students with a grade 2 or below, they can either study towards a pass in functional skills level 2 or towards a GCSE grade 9 to 4.
Were pupils in schools affected by crumbling concrete given extra help?
Department for Education (DfE) figures show 234 education settings in England have been identified as having Raac in their buildings. Of these, 94 are listed as secondary or all-through state schools.
The Joint Council for Qualifications (JCQ) said “special consideration” – which is given to a candidate who has temporarily experienced illness, injury or some other event outside their control at the time of their assessment – would not be granted for disruption to teaching and learning over the year due to Raac.
But this year, exam boards have offered extended coursework deadlines to schools and colleges which have struggled to access specialist facilities for non-examination assessments due to Raac.
Schools and colleges are also able to apply under the established “special consideration” process if they feel their results have been affected by Raac disruption during exams.
Marks can be adjusted to take into account unforeseen circumstances such as a “noisy environment” in the exam hall.
Now my shock and horror are giving way to blame.
I am blaming myself and my humiliation is turning to embarrassment and self-loathing.
How could I have got this so wrong? How could I have failed my own standards by letting Tom fail too?
The stress for kids is huge but the stress on helicopter mums like me is also intense: I am a mother who has a son who did badly in his GCSEs and I feel ashamed.
Some details have been changed to preserve anonymity.