When I was wasting my life with married woman you helped me walk away

DEAR DEIDRE: WHEN a naughty fling with a married woman turned into an eight-year-long affair, I realised I was wasting my life. 

But I didn’t seem capable of ending the relationship and walking away. 

Being with her was too intoxicating, and the sex was too good. In addition, the belief she would finally leave her husband kept me there.

I’m 32 and she’s 41. 

I wrote to you, asking for help, Deidre. How could I break the cycle?

You told me my lover was having her cake and eating it – which was hard to hear, but fair. 

You were right: there was no incentive for her to leave her husband when she had me whenever she wanted.

You suggested I give her an ultimatum and recommended I talk to someone impartial. You also gave me your support pack, Your Lover Not Free.

Since writing to you, I’ve told my lover we needed to go our separate ways. 

It was difficult, and I’ve felt sad and missed her, but I know it was the right thing. 

I’m now free to meet someone who wants me and only me. Thank you, Deidre.

DEIDRE SAYS: You need strength to leave a lover, but once you have, life is so much freer and better. Well done.