My wife has been monstrous since hitting the menopause

DEAR DEIDRE: Life doesn’t seem worth living since my wife hit the menopause. She’s awful to be around.

She’s 55 and for the past three years, she’s been very difficult to live with. She can be fine one moment then biting my head off the next.

The children don’t call in to see us any longer because they can’t bear to be near her. She had ovaries removed and we thought that would help but if anything, she’s worse.

She needs a hysterectomy but we can’t afford to pay privately and she is on the waiting list to have one.

I’m 60 and dread coming home to face her wrath. She doesn’t want sex. She isn’t loving towards me and I spend my evenings running her around or doing errands for her. She hasn’t worked since her last operation.

When she’s in a good mood she says, “It if wasn’t for you, I’d hate my life” but what she doesn’t know is that I hate my life because of her.

I’m miserable. Should I stay in this very unhappy marriage?

DEIDRE SAYS: If you had the wife you married back, you’d stay. Find a quiet moment to tell her that you feel unhappy, using ‘I’ words rather than ‘you’. They’re less threatening.

Explain that you’ve lost the woman you love and you are worried about her because she needs help.

Encourage her to see her doctor and go with her to the appointment to tell the doctor how this is affecting the whole family.

Be honest about her mood swings. Your GP may be able to make a case to expedite her operation.

She can find further help through my support pack called Menopause.

In addition, my support pack called How To Look After Your Relationship may help her see that something needs to change otherwise the family is going to fall apart.