My wife complains about her aches and pains but never speaks to the doctor

DEAR DEIDRE: I’d never cheat on my wife but she’s pushing me to the limit. We’ve not had sex at all this year.

She’s 61 and complains of aches and pains but she’ll never see the doctor. I’m a man of 63 and I start my shifts at 7am so I have to get up early.

My wife stays up really late, watching soaps or films on TV so now she goes to bed to watch them and I sleep in the spare bedroom.

I hate living like this. I try to talk to her about our connection but she says that people of our age don’t have sex any longer. I don’t believe it but I don’t have friends I can ask.

We are going on holiday next week to Tenerife and I’m hoping things may be different with a couple of drinks and some sunshine.

DEIDRE SAYS: My guess is she’s never enjoyed sex and now she has an excuse not to want to have it – her age. But it needn’t be this way.

When you’re away, explain that you miss the intimacy and ask whether, when you get home, she’ll keep one night a week for you to spend quality time together.

Explain that you want to show her how much you appreciate her. You could cook for her, run her a bath, pour her a glass of wine.

Instead of putting sex on the agenda, change the emphasis to intimacy, which feels far less pressured but can be equally fulfilling.

She may then want to go to bed with you for a kiss and a cuddle and you can build up to sex that way. My support pack called Love And The Mature Woman may help you.