All I want is another threesome but my wife isn’t convinced

DEAR DEIDRE: AFTER my wife and I had an incredible threesome with my friend, I told her I’d like her to take him as a regular lover. 

When she said she was worried about doing it again, I asked her to write a list of pros and cons of our experience, so we could make it work – but she’s still hesitating 

We’ve been married for 12 years. I’m 42 and she’s 40.

I’ve always fantasised about seeing her have sex with another man and, after talking it through in bed many times, we finally went ahead last month.

I have a sexually adventurous, single friend, 39, who didn’t take much persuasion to join us.

The night was everything I’d anticipated – the biggest turn on of my life. All three of us enjoyed it equally. 

Seeing my wife have sex with another guy was even more thrilling than having sex with her myself. 

So I asked her if she’d be happy to repeat the experience on a more regular basis. 

She said she wasn’t sure.

Writing her list – I was certain there would be more pros!

She wrote she’d had multiple orgasms, loved the attention of two guys and relished seeing me so turned on.

But on the con side, she was worried what other people might think if they found out, and also how it would affect our friendship with my mate.

I told her it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks, as it’s between us.

As for my friend, he’s discreet and happy to do this as often as we’d like.  

But she still isn’t convinced. How do I help her get over her worries?

DEIDRE SAYS: You asked your wife to write a list of pros and cons, thinking that would make her agree to continuing your fantasy.

Now that hasn’t happened, you’re looking for another way to persuade her.

Stop for a moment. You’re not a film director and your wife is not an actress with the job of fulfilling your fantasies.

This is both of your real lives and you are in danger of damaging your relationship if you keep pushing her.

She’s a person with her own needs, desires and fears. If she doesn’t want to do this – whatever her reason – you need to accept her decision.

Find other ways to enjoy sex together that you both agree on. My support pack, 50 Ways To Add Fun To Sex, should help. Also read the one about Threesomes.