I babysit my granddaughter two nights a week – now she’s at a ‘difficult’ age I can’t hack it & her mum’s fuming
A WOMAN has been left “feeling terrible” after telling her daughter she can no longer babysit her granddaughter.
She explained that she’s been watching her granddaughter on a Sunday and Monday so that her daughter and son-in-law could get a “good night’s sleep for their work week”.
While the situation has worked out well “until now”, she continued the Reddit post to admit she’s now struggling – especially considering she lives in a static caravan and “can only child proof so much”.
“She’s at a hard age where she’s into everything,” she said of the 13-month-old.
“She also doesn’t know what no means yet so I find myself hovering over her trying to protect her.
“She goes for anything not nailed down, out of curiosity I know, but still I worry.”
When she told her daughter she “needed a break” because her “anxiety is through the roof”, she “flipped out on me and said a lot of choice words to me”.
“I cried my eyes out and feel terrible,” she continued.
“Now my daughter isn’t speaking to me over it.”
She added that she tried to tell her daughter she “just wanted to be grandma again and not the person always saying no”, but had been left a “wreck and feel like a terrible person”.
She’s even been put on medication for her anxiety.
And when she questioned whether or not she’d done the right thing, people in the comments section insisted that she had.
“Put your own oxygen mask on first, Grandma,” one wrote.
“Your daughter should be more concerned with your health than whether she has free babysitting.
“You aren’t a sitter that they need (for getting to work) – you give them a very generous length of time to relax before the work week.
“But now you’re burnt out. You’re stressed. Do. Not. Feel. Guilty!!
“Do not! You have nothing to feel bad about.
“You are helping when you can and now you can’t as much. That is normal and okay!”
How can you politely ask grandparents for childcare help?
A LOT of us rely on our parents to look after our kids.
Especially considering that nurseries, childminders and pre-schools can end up being so expensive.
But what we have to remember is that they’ve done this all before.
They’ve been through the naughtiness, the tantrums, the refusing to sleep and everything in between.
So can we really blame them if they don’t feel like doing it again?
I’m lucky enough to have parents who step in to look after my kids during the school holidays when I’m working, and they also had them once a week before they started school.
But I’ve always done my best not to assume that this is acceptable for them – it’s not a given.
And there are some other things you can try if you want to ask your parents for help politely.
- Consider their needs – As I said, they’ve already been through this before, and we can’t hold it against them if they don’t want to do it again. If they aren’t keen on your original pitch, why not have a calm conversation with them on what they could manage? That way everyone’s happy
- Provide all the necessities – Make it clear that you’re going to send your kids to them with all the things they need. They might not use the nappies or wipes you send them over with, but they’ll find it comforting to know that they’re there – and won’t feel like you’re assuming they’re going to provide these items.
- Be flexible – Even if they have agreed to look after their grandchildren, things change. Especially if they’re also retired – they’ll also be wanting to take holidays or weekends away. So it’s important to be flexible, and have alternative arrangements in mind if they do decide to take a trip away.
“You sound like an incredible, selfless grandmother,” another insisted.
“I would do anything for even one night a year (every other year? every decade?) of this sort of babysitting for my 6 and 3 year olds.
“I understand needing sleep as I had two poor sleepers, but your daughter has a partner and therefore shouldn’t NEED this sort of help.”
As a third commented: “My mum helps me out 3 times a week.
“If she ever decided she needed a break I would never hold it against her.
“She already has done so much for me.
“I’m sorry your daughter is treating you like that you don’t deserve it.”