My cousin’s fallen out with me because I’m not hosting Christmas this year

DEAR DEIDRE: MY cousin’s fallen out with me because I’m not hosting Christmas this year. But she always turns up drunk, contributes little and hardly lifts a finger.

We’ve always been close. We are both 57 and our mothers were sisters so we’ve lived all our lives near one another. Neither of us have siblings.

My cousin is married to a nice guy and we get on well. They’ve got two daughters. I’m married with three sons.

Our house is slightly bigger so it’s always made sense for us to host Christmas but whenever the doorbell rings and I’ve been up since six o’clock preparing, my cousin is always off her head on drink.

Her husband rolls his eyes at me when he greets me because he’s used to her shenanigans. She brings one bottle of wine and perhaps a box of biscuits and that’s it. We pay for everything else.

I said to my wife that I didn’t want to do it this year. I’ve got to work on Christmas morning at the hospital.

I told my cousin on the phone but she said, “Oh come on. We all need to relax and be together after the year that we’ve had.”

She doesn’t work. She talks as if there’s been a trauma but nothing has happened. I insisted that they were not invited and now she’s not talking to me.

Am I being unreasonable?

DEIDRE SAYS: No, you’re not. Why not suggest that next year they host the festivities? This year you have good reason not to host as you are working. Hold firm.

Just because you have always hosted historically, doesn’t mean you are committed to doing the same indefinitely. 

Naturally there’s a limit to how long you’re prepared to bankroll their Christmas lunch so stand your ground.

My support pack called Standing Up For Yourself will help you to get the message across to her.