The 8 signs your loved one is a borderline alcoholic – from Jekyll and Hyde traits to sneaky ‘errands’
IT’S not just your nan that can go overboard on the sherry at this time of year.
We can all end up having one too many Baileys or find we’ve polished off a whole bottle of Prosecco without realising…
For those with a drink problem though, the party doesn’t end on New Year – even if the fun stopped a while ago.
If that’s the case with one of your loved ones, it’s easy to stick your head in the sand and just write their behaviour off over the festive period.
After all, isn’t it normal to have one too many drinks at the work do and embarrass yourself?
Elizabeth Walker – a professional recovery coach who goes by @theempowermentwarrior – says the difference is knowing when to stop.
She says: “People without a problem with alcohol are usually aware of their limits and know when it’s a good idea to switch to soft drinks or stop altogether.
“If you are noticing that someone is unable to stop drinking once they have started, and just one drink can start the compulsion to drink that doesn’t stop until they have drunk the last drink in the room, this is a real red flag that their relationship with alcohol is unhealthy.”
Debbie Longsdale, therapy director at The Priory who specialises in addictions, says the ‘fun’ can go too far.
“When things feel compromised or uncomfortable, things can no longer be fun – for everyone,” she adds.
“Alcohol can blur people’s ability to be sensitive to the needs of others.
“Those with an alcohol addiction can also get into situations that can be dangerous – like getting in a car, or doing ‘dares’ or challenges while under the influence.”
It can seem a bit Scrooge to monitor someone’s drinking at this time of year.
But if you’re worried someone you love might be a borderline alcoholic, here are the signs to watch out for…
1. Alcohol has become a major priority
“It seems that alcohol has become more important in their lives than anything else, even you,” says Elizabeth.
Work, family, friends and even personal hygiene can end up coming second to drink.
2. They ‘need’ a drink almost every day
“You are noticing they are needing to drink every day and maybe even needing a ‘hair of the dog’ in the morning to settle the stomach, nerves or to stop the shaky hands,” says Elizabeth.
“Not every ‘alcoholic’ is a daily drinker though.
“Maybe they are able to go without drinking during the week, but once the bottle of wine is open on Friday evening, this starts a weekend of continuous or excessive drinking.”
3. One drink is never enough
“They aren’t able to have just one glass of wine with dinner or one beer at the bar, but seem to ‘have’ to continue drinking, even when they have said that they will only be having the one,” says Elizabeth.
4. Their drinking patterns have changed over time
“Their drinking patterns have changed, perhaps gradually increasing over the years,” flags Elizabeth.
“They will promise or declare they are going to do Dry January, Stoptober or stop completely, only to give up prematurely and/or return to their old habits and patterns.”
5. They’re irritable if they haven’t had a drink
“Things to look out for are irritability during the hours when they aren’t drinking and then become instantly relaxed when they are able to have a drink,” warns Elizabeth.
“It may feel a bit like you are living with a Jekyll and Hyde character that changes throughout the day.”
6. They have blackouts and unexplained injuries
“They regularly drink to the point where they pass out, forget what they have done the night before or become physically sick,” says Elizabeth.
They may also end up with bumps, bruises and minor injuries they can’t remember getting.
7. They act secretively around booze
“Over the holiday period you may notice that they are finding reasons to drink more than you would expect,” says Elizabeth.
“Maybe they are starting to lie about not having had a drink or you are noticing them behaving secretively.
“For example, finding reasons to go out to the shop for groceries when it’s not needed, being out longer than they have said when nipping out on an errand.”
8. They’ll come up with a range of excuses for their drinking – especially at Christmas
“There is nothing more creative and manipulative than someone who has become dependent upon alcohol when it comes to finding a way or reason to drink,” warns Elizabeth.
“They may not want to go to family celebrations, especially if they are required to drive.
“They may start arguments as a way of being able to leave the house or avoid being around other people.
“They may insist that the festivities happen at their house as it means they are in control of the speed and volume of their drinking, without it being ‘noticed’ or commented on by others.”
How can you help them?
It’s all about picking your moment and making it clear that you are there for them.
“Although this time of year can bring a person’s problem with alcohol to light, Christmas may not be the best time to talk to your loved one about their drinking,” says Elizabeth, who recommends trying in the New Year, when things have calmed down.
Dr Renju Joseph, consultant psychiatrist at Priory Hospital Woodbourne and Priory Wellbeing Centre in Birmingham, says: “Broaching the issue of excessive alcohol consumption with a friend or relative is never going to be easy, but it may just help transform their life for the better.
“I’d advise approaching people with empathy and concern, and expressing what you have observed without judgement.
“Offer support and let them know you’re there to help, and allow them to share their thoughts and feelings without interruption, even if you don’t agree or understand.
“If they are prepared to accept they have a problem, you can help them down the path to getting the professional help they need.”
How much is it safe to drink weekly?
Research shows that drinking regularly and too much can damage your health.
It used to be said that moderate drinking was good for the heart – but newer studies suggest otherwise, linking the habit to a higher risk of several diseases, including heart disease, liver disease and cancer.
To keep health risks from alcohol to a low level:
- Men and women are advised not to drink more than 14 units a week on a regular basis
- Spread your drinking over three or more days if you regularly drink as much as 14 units a week
- If you want to cut down, try to have several drink-free days each week
But it’s important to note that there’s no “safe” amount you can drink each week – 14 units and under is considered “low risk” drinking.
Not sure how much 14 units is?
A shot of spirits – like gin, vodka or whisky – is about one unit, while a standard glass of wine is just over two, according to the NHS.
Meanwhile, a pint of low strength lager, beer or cider is also two units.
Source: NHS
Elizabeth adds: “It is worth remembering that alcohol isn’t the problem, it is their solution to a problem.
“There is something they want to numb or escape from; it could be pain from the past, a sense of discomfort with themselves or a dissatisfaction with something in the present.
“No matter what it is, alcohol has been their crutch and to help them come to terms with the idea of living without it, they are going to need support to help them find an alternative, healthier solution.”
Do not try to hide their problems, especially in front of friends or family
Dr Renju Joseph
Visit the NHS website for advice and tips for cutting down, and there are also support groups like Alcoholics Anonymous and charities like Drink Aware and Alcohol Change UK that can offer professional support.
If your loved one is a heavy drinker or has been drinking excessively for some time, encourage them to speak to their GP.
Elizabeth says: “It is important to gain medical advice as stopping cold turkey can be dangerous.”
On a practical level, make sure there are decent non-alcoholic drinks available if you’re hosting or going out, and help make it easier for anyone to not drink if they don’t want to.
Don’t be that person at a party, grilling someone on why they’re skipping alcohol!
Take care of yourself too
It can be really difficult and emotionally draining, watching your loved one struggling with drink.
Elizabeth says: “What you need more than anything else is somewhere you can be honest without feeling judged, somewhere you can receive the support that will help you keep yourself strong and emotionally healthy.”
Al-Anon for instance is for people who are affected by someone else’s drinking – it doesn’t have to be a family member.
Renju adds: “Do not try to hide their problems, especially in front of friends or family.
“This is particularly important if, for example, they try to drive.
“This can be tough for those who are very close to the person in question, but be strong.
“And don’t take blame. Please don’t feel guilty, accept that this is an illness, and timely interventions would help.”
How to cut back on drinking
If you're concerned about your drinking, a good first step is to see a GP
They’ll be able to give advice and support on how to manage your drinking habits and cut back safely.
This might involve counselling, medicines or detox services.
Being dependent on alcohol means you feel you’re not able to function without it and means stopping drinking can cause physical withdrawal symptoms like shaking, sweating or nausea.
If you have these symptoms when you don’t drink, it could be dangerous to stop drinking too quickly without proper support.
There are many charities and support groups you can join or speak to, as well as helplines:
- Drinkline national alcohol helpline on 0300 123 1110
- Alcohol Change UK
- Alcoholics Anonymous helpline on 0800 9177 650
- Al-Anon Family Groups helpline on 0800 0086 811
Tips to quit
When you’re ready to stop, the following tips and techniques can make it that little bit easier.
- Tell family and friends that you’re aiming to stop drinking alcohol and explain why – reminding yourself and the people close to you why you want to stop drinking can help keep you on track, and may even encourage someone else to give up or cut down with you.
- Identify triggers and avoid situations where you may be tempted to drink, at least in the early stages – from after work pub quizzes to boozy dinners.
- Keep busy in the times you’d usually drink by trying something new – get active or meet a friend at the cinema.
- Reward yourself as you make progress and don’t be too hard on yourself if you slip up every once in a while – it can be helpful to give yourself short-term goals.
- Notice how your body feels without booze – you might find that you have more energy, are sleeping better or have lost weight.
Source: Drinkaware