I can’t stop thinking about an intense kiss with colleague, two decades ago

DEAR DEIDRE: I CAN’T stop fantasising about an intense kiss with an old colleague, two decades ago. 

My marriage is so boring and sexless that escaping into fantasy-land helps me get through the day. How can I get back to reality?

I’m 45 and have been married to my husband, 47, for 18 years. We have a grown-up son.

My marriage is dead. It feels like we’re just flatmates.

We barely talk, and we haven’t had sex for so long that I can’t even remember the last time. I’m so frustrated.

Before I met him, I had a long flirtation with a guy at work. At the office summer party, we shared a kiss. 

It was the most passionate, exciting kiss I’ve ever had.

Nothing came of it and we both moved on from that workplace. 

But now, I think about it every day. I imagine what might have happened had we slept together and started a relationship, 

I’ve even tracked him down on social media and have been hanging around his area, hoping I might bump into him.

I know I’m being ridiculous but it’s the only thing that’s keeping my spirits up.

DEIDRE SAYS: You’re fantasising about a time when you felt alive and desirable.

It’s natural, given how stale your marriage is. 

But as you know, nothing can come of this. You need to plough your energies into fixing your marriage instead. 

Try to remember why you fell in love with your husband. 

Tell him how you feel. Say how much you miss intimacy.

Perhaps you could suggest going out on a date, or even a weekend away, to shake things up.

My support packs, Looking After Your Relationship and Saving Your Sex Life, should help.