If I can’t get my temper under control, I fear I’m going to lose my partner

DEAR DEIDRE: IF I can’t get my temper under control, I fear I’m going to lose my partner.

I’m a man of 40 and have been with my girlfriend, who is 37, for two years. I’ve never hit her, but I’ve come close.

I start arguments over stupid things and it’s normally when I’ve had a drink.

I get so stressed. I can refuse to talk to her, sometimes for days. I know my reaction really upsets her because she then goes and stays with her sister.

When she eventually returns, she always apologises for winding me up. I never say sorry, though I know sometimes it’s my fault.

I don’t want to be like this. I want to be a good boyfriend – somebody who is kind to their girlfriend – but it doesn’t seem in my nature.

DEIDRE SAYS: Your anger and how you react most likely stems from something you learned during childhood.

You were never taught how to deal with difficult situations, and losing your temper may have been something you witnessed from a parent or family member.

Tell your girlfriend you are determined to get help, but you need her support.

Explain that you’re going to make a pact to walk away when the red mist descends.

My support pack called Managing Anger explains where you can get help.

Another, called Help For Stress, will show you relaxation techniques.