I splashed £70k on booze as a secret alcoholic… I’d neck vodka from Evian bottles on 7am commute & had first binge at 11
SWIGGING from her water bottle, Lucy da Silva, then 29, looked like any other London Underground passenger on their way to work at 7am.
But actually the young professional, from Hitchin, Herts., was hiding a dark secret – she was a high-functioning alcoholic and concealed within her ordinary Evian bottle was neat vodka.
“I’d arrive at work drunk,” Lucy, now 41 and 10 years sober, says.
“People didn’t realise because I was so good at masking it. I never slurred my words or tripped over.
“I didn’t have dishevelled hair or smeared make-up. My clothes were not askew.
“I actually never drank between 8am and 5pm, so I believed I didn’t have a problem… I ignored the fact I’d arrived at work drunk.”
‘I was wasted, vomiting everywhere’
Lucy, now married to Alex, 44, and mum to Ruby, six, and Junior, three, started drinking at just 11 and over the course of her lifetime estimates she’s spent £70,000 on alcohol.
Explaining the first time she got drunk, she says: “I was working in a warehouse in Walthamstow, East London.
“It seems mad – I can’t imagine my little girl going to work in a few years – but at the time it didn’t seem so.
“Someone came back from holiday with vodka and another girl and I drank it. I was wasted, vomiting everywhere. No one was called and I recovered, but it didn’t put me off alcohol.”
For four years Lucy remained sober.
But at 15 she started boozing at house parties. “One was never enough,” she says. “I would drink until I blacked out.”
She moved out of home at 16, after completing her GCSEs, and went to live in a council house.
“It was in Leyton, East London,” she says. “But I left at 18 to move in with people and drink more – that was a stupid move. It would be worth loads now, but alcohol was more important.”
In her early 20s she “blagged” her way into a PA role at a London insurance company, rising up the ranks until she had an executive position and was on £38,000 – the equivalent of nearly £70,000 now.
I was buying screw top bottles of wine on the way home so I could undo them easily and get drinking immediately, rather than waiting two minutes to get to my house and find a corkscrew
Lucy da Silva
“But I didn’t save any cash,” she says. “I just drank it all away. It was partly the corporate world but partly I felt more confident when I was drunk.
“I would go to parties after work and get really drunk. People thought I was the ‘fun one’.
“They didn’t realise the reality of it – that I was buying screw top bottles of wine on the way home so I could undo them easily and get drinking immediately, rather than waiting two minutes to get to my house and find a corkscrew.”
She says she regularly turned up late for work, sometimes even missing it, after a heavy night.
“I would tell my boss, ‘My dishwasher has blown up so I’m working from home’,” she says.
“The truth was I was half-dead on a train back from Manchester having partied there.
“Another time I said I needed a day off to take my cat to the vets – I didn’t even have a cat.
“I once fell in-between the tracks of a train, but thankfully survived.
“Alcohol made me a pathological liar. But it wasn’t me. It was the addiction – that’s what it does to you.
I woke up covered in my own vomit and in a pool of urine
Lucy da Silva
“Now it shocks me as away from my addiction I’m honest and have integrity. It just took over.”
Lucy said by early 2014 she was drinking around 120 units a week – 8.6 times more than the NHS recommended safe level of 14.
“I often wouldn’t drink on Mondays and Tuesdays,” she says.
“Sometimes Wednesdays would be dry too. But Thursday to Sunday I went to town. I would have at least two bottles of wine a day and a lot of vodka too.
What to do if you think are an alcoholic
IF you’re struggling with alcohol addiction, the most important thing is to recognise the problem and seek support – You don’t have to face it alone.
Seek Professional Help
- GP or Doctor – A medical professional can assess your situation and provide advice on treatment options.
- Therapists or Counsellors – Talking to an addiction specialist can help address underlying causes and develop coping strategies.
- Rehab or Detox Programmes – If physical dependence is severe, medically supervised detox may be necessary.
Consider Support Groups
- Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) – A well-known 12-step programme that provides peer support.
- SMART Recovery – A science-based alternative to AA, focusing on self-empowerment.
- Local Support Groups – Many communities have groups tailored to different needs.
“That was just me, on my own. If I was going out I would drink a lot more. Looking back it is startling.”
Things came to a head in July that year when, on her own for a week, Lucy had a booze-induced epiphany.
“My flatmate had gone away for a week,” she says. “I stayed in on my own, wearing my PJs.
“I drank all my own alcohol and then her expensive alcohol. I ordered takeaways and was so drunk I knocked things over, smashing pictures off the wall.
‘I begged them to help me’
“I woke up covered in my own vomit and in a pool of urine to messages from her saying, ‘This can’t go on’ and I thought… ‘Is this normal?’
“So I didn’t get dressed but just got on the train to The Priory (a rehabilitation centre) and begged them to help me.
“They agreed but said I had to go and get dressed and get my clothes first. I refused to leave. I knew if I did, I wouldn’t come back.”
Lucy spent 28 days at The Priory, taking part in a 12-step programme.
She was also put on ‘detox’ – stopping alcohol immediately but under the care of medical staff, taking a benzodiazepine which was carefully tapered.
By July 2014 she was sober, back at the same job but relapsed at a wedding in October 2015.
“I went, thinking I could handle it and realised I couldn’t,” she says.
“I got a bottle of wine, put it in a paper bag and sat on a bench, drinking.
“I immediately took a hard look at myself and called The Priory.”
This time she didn’t relapse and since winter 2015 has not touched a drop of alcohol.
“I don’t miss it,” she says. “I think I spent about £70k on alcohol, which shocks me, but I don’t regret it.
High-functioning addicts only show you the ‘party’ side of things. There’s pictures of them drinking cocktails on Instagram and dancing on tables. You don’t see the urine-soaked clothes or huge bruises
Lucy da Silva
“It was part of me and you can’t look back. What I feel more sickened by is when I see young women stumbling down the street.
“I think they have an alcohol problem – it’s just dressed up as ‘fun’.”
She’s vowed to be open about her past to everybody including her children when they are old enough.
“It’s embarrassing to admit, ‘Yes I wet myself’ but that’s the reality of addiction,” she says.
“High-functioning addicts only show you the ‘party’ side of things. There’s pictures of them drinking cocktails on Instagram and dancing on tables. You don’t see the urine-soaked clothes or huge bruises.
“Drinking too much, when I was growing up and in my 20s, was normalised.”
In early 2016 she met Brazilian Alex, 44, on Tinder – but broke up with him because he was battling drug and alcohol addiction.
“I couldn’t compromise everything I had worked towards,” she said. “I loved him a lot, but he was addicted – something I only learnt after we connected.”
However, he vowed to get clean and successfully completed the 12 steps.
He’s been sober for nine years now and the couple are both strong advocates of the 12-step programme.
“I didn’t feel nervous as I could see he was ready to commit to recovery and he’s proved me right,” says Lucy.
They married in early 2018, and haven’t looked back.
“When I look at how far I’ve come, I am really proud of everything,” she says.
“It’s been years since I wet myself and behaved appallingly – I want other ‘fun’ alcoholics to know it’s not too late.”