I’ve been a size 6, a size 20 & everything in between – how I finally found my perfect size after tough love comment

MUM of two and business owner Kate Bell, 45, from Lymington, spent 28 years yo-yo dieting.

Here, she reveals how she finally realised that her value isn’t tied to what she weighs.

Staring down at the scales, my heart sank. I weighed 14st 7lb – the heaviest I’d ever been.

I hated myself for it and felt like a failure – how on earth had I got here?

From the age of 17, my weight had yo-yoed endlessly, from a size six to a size 20.

Stepping off the scales, I wondered: “Am I ever going to feel happy with my body?”

As a child, I was always heavy or “big-boned”.

I loved to dance, but at age 10 my ballet teacher told me I didn’t have the build to make a career from it.

It was just one in a long list of comments – like my family nicknaming me Big Bird – that reinforced the idea I wasn’t the ideal size.

At the time, I accepted it all, but those remarks shaped my self-image.

At 17, a friend suggested we lose weight for an upcoming holiday.

I was 5ft 5in and a size 12-14, but at 10st I believed double figures was bad.

It was also the ’90s, when diet culture and size zero were all the rage, so off we went to a diet club.

I didn’t lose weight there or learn anything useful about nutrition.

But I did begin to obsess over calories and focus on my body as something that needed reducing.

In 1998, aged 18, I was out clubbing when I ran into Mark, a boy from school.

We fell in love and married in July 2001 when I was three months pregnant.

I loved pregnancy and believed the myth that I should “eat for two”.

I put on 5st, but for once I was enjoyed my curves.

Our daughter Lauren, now 23, was born in January 2002 and she became my whole world.

I didn’t notice at first how distant Mark had become.

Then the arguments began, and my comfort-eating of takeaways and cake increased.

When Lauren was six months old, Mark told me he was leaving.

Devastated, I blamed myself.

Instead of feeling proud of my body for enduring childbirth, I hated what I saw in the mirror.

By the time Lauren was a year old, I’d put on 10lb.

In September 2003, I met Adam at a party and instantly liked this quiet, shy man.

I didn’t love my 11st 4lb body, however, and when my weight crept up again to 131/2st over the next few years, I got scared that, if I didn’t lose weight, Adam wouldn’t propose.

He’d never suggested that was the case, but I started on the Lighter Life diet plan.

By limiting myself to 500 calories a day, I lost 3 1/2st in four months.

There were side effects – my hair started to fall out, my eyesight got worse and I felt awful – but I was 10st again, and that’s what mattered.

And when Adam proposed in the Maldives, I felt like it was my reward for getting slimmer.

Of course, the weight loss wasn’t sustainable.

‘INADEQUATE’

Despite exercise and a healthy diet, I was 11st 7lb when we married in June 2007, and my weight kept creeping up.

We tried for a baby and, after multiple miscarriages, I was heartbroken to hear the doctor say I should try losing weight.

Once again, I felt inadequate.

I took extreme steps, cutting out all processed foods, caffeine and alcohol, and I started madly exercising.

My family called me a food bore, but at least I was in control.

Shrinking from a size 14-16 to a size eight, this time my pregnancy stuck.

But the fear of gaining weight, like I had with my first baby, was so strong that I calorie-counted and exercised throughout.

I even went to a spin class when I was a week overdue.

Our daughter Niyah was born in May 2013, and two days later I did a six-mile walk.

When Niyah, now 11, was five months old, I was a size 12 – and shrinking.

As my six-pack emerged, I’d post pictures of my figure on social media and receive so many compliments.

I felt fantastic, though there was niggling resentment.

When someone said: “You look amazing!” I’d think: “I guess I didn’t before?”

Meanwhile, I was building my business, Zip Us In, inspired by an idea to expand women’s clothes when pregnant.

But when I posted about an award I’d received for my work, it only got a fraction of the “well done” comments I got for my weight loss.

By August 2014, I was a size six and 9st 4lb.

I exercised like a lunatic for hours each day, watched each mouthful I ate and collapsed in exhaustion at night.

To me, skinny meant success, validation and love.

For years, I kept up my crazy routine, then Covid hit.

Juggling home-schooling and work was hard, and the lack of structure meant my weight crept back up.

‘I FELT AWFUL’

My marriage was also unravelling, as we realised we were no longer compatible.

Adam and I divorced in 2022, and by that point I was 12st 7lb.

Between my guilt about the impact on our children and my fears of rejection, I turned to takeaways and junk food, and stopped exercising.

By October 2023, I was 14st 7lb – the heaviest I’d ever been.

I felt awful, my business was stalling and I hated how I looked.

That’s when I met up with a friend and business mentor.

He was shocked at how sad and lost I was, and listened as I explained that I’d sort out my business first and then my weight.

That’s when he gave me some tough love.

He told me that while the number on the scales didn’t matter, I needed to make finding happiness with my body a priority.

When my self-worth was higher, I’d be able to make the business a success.

For once, I didn’t launch into a crazy weight-loss regime.

I introduced sensible exercise and eating, and I worked on creating my own sense of value.

I’d sit with those dark thoughts that had plagued me for so long, insisting I had no worth unless I was slim, and try to unravel and process them.

It was a bit like meditating, just being quiet and learning to understand myself.

It made me sad to think about how many other women have to battle with those same voices telling them they’re fat.

I also felt a lot of guilt that my daughters witnessed my battle with body image over the years.

Now, though, I hope I’ve shown my girls the importance of self-love.

I’m now a size 10-12 and 10st 3lb.

More importantly, I’ve finally found peace, balance and self-love.

When I look in the mirror, I see an incredible woman and mum.

That’s where my value lies – not in a number on a scale.

 Shop Kate’s maternity line at Zipusin.co.uk