The 6-step plan to beat ‘decision paralysis’ – plus the 3 reasons you fall victim
THROUGHOUT our lives, we will face many crossroads – moving home, changing jobs, starting or staying in a relationship – and constant decision-making can be overwhelming.
Decision paralysis – AKA finding it so hard to make a choice that we don’t do anything – often wins.
Other factors, such as anxiety, perfectionism and neurodiversity, can impact our ability to make decisions, too.
And for women, deciding what we really want can be even harder.
“Often, we are trying to make other people happy, when it is more important that we make ourselves happy with our decisions,” says chartered psychologist Dr Sheena Kumar.
So, what happens in our brains when we’re faced with a decision?
“We weigh past experiences, potential outcomes and personal values to arrive at a choice,” says Sheena.
But emotions like fear, excitement or uncertainty all have an impact, too.
Here, three experts share their six tips for coming to a decision you’re happy with.
Step One: Pause And Focus
First, stop and tune in to what your body is saying.
“When faced with big choices, your nervous system may enter fight, flight or freeze mode, making clear thinking impossible,” explains Sarah Jones, psychotherapist and EMDR therapist.
Fight, flight and freeze are evolutionary stress responses to danger – fight prepares you to confront the threat, flight makes you want to escape, and freeze makes you, well, freeze.
“When we are in survival mode, our bodies prioritise protecting themselves over problem-solving,” says Sarah.
Before analysing your options, take a moment to check in with yourself.
“How does your body feel? Is your chest tight?
Is your stomach churning?
If so, take slow, deep breaths, inhaling through your nose and exhaling through your mouth, and focus on the sensation of breathing.
Repeat to yourself: ‘I am safe’,” Sarah adds.
Calmer? Now you can focus on what’s at the heart of your decision.
It may sound simple, but Sheena suggests clearly defining the decision, asking: “What do I need to decide?”
Step Two: Free Yourself From People’s Opinions
Now comes the hard part. “Ask yourself: ‘If no one else’s opinion mattered, what would I truly want?’” says Sarah.
“Write down whatever comes up.
“Then reflect on whether any of your concerns stem from other people’s expectations, rather than your own desires.
“Many women have been raised to prioritise others’ needs over their own, often without realising it.
“Even if you consider yourself independent, societal messaging can still shape your decision-making process.”
But that doesn’t mean you need to make decisions alone.
“Gather relevant information to understand your options,” says Sheena.
For example, try talking to people who have chosen each option, so you can listen to their experiences, then decide for yourself.
Step Three: Understand What’s Holding You Back
Thoughts running on a loop?
Writing everything down will help make things feel more manageable, says life coach Kimberley O’Sullivan.
She believes the key to good decision-making is identifying “self-limiting beliefs” and negative thoughts.
You can do this by assigning the word “fact” or “fiction” to the thoughts you’ve written down.
“For example, if you’re weighing up a new job offer, ‘the salary is £10k more’ is fact, whereas: ‘I may not fit in with the team’ is fiction,” she says.
“Fiction” is often the voice of self-doubt. “
Once you‘ve looked at each limitation and have clarity that what’s holding you back is a set of false, limiting beliefs, you are left with facts and data to help make an informed decision.”
Step Four Let Go Of Perfection
What if limiting beliefs come from a trait or mindset, such as perfectionism?
“Many people believe a decision must be 100% right or else it’s a mistake, but this kind of thinking keeps you stuck,” says Sarah.
“Instead of searching for the perfect choice, ask yourself: ‘What is a good enough option that moves me forward?’
“Also, it’s OK to change your mind.”
Step Five: Test It Out
To put your decision to the test, use the “future self” visualisation, which involves imagining yourself six months or even a year from now, having made the big decision.
“Picture your day-to-day life,” says Sarah.
“What’s changed? How do you feel?
“Now, do the same for an alternative decision.
“How does that version of your future feel in comparison?
“Often, your emotional response will provide valuable insight,” she says.
You could even “try on” your decision mentally for 48 hours.
“Act as if you have already chosen a path,” she says.
“If you’re debating moving abroad, tell yourself: ‘I’m moving abroad’, and notice how you feel.
“Does this bring a sense of excitement, relief or peace?
“Or does it trigger anxiety and resistance?
“Your emotions can offer more clarity than over-analysing ever will,” she says.
Step Six: Move things on
Once you’ve decided, let go of the idea of possibly taking the “wrong” path.
“Make your decision with confidence, take action and reflect on the outcome to improve future decision-making,” says Sheena.
“Making any decision is better than staying indecisive.
“Remember, you can always reflect and choose differently next time.”
Sarah, too, believes that making a bad decision is still better than not making one at all.
“It’s important to make a decision and then learn from it, rather than stay in paralysis and let opportunity pass you by, or change your mind if it is not working out,” she says.
“Often, there is no such thing as the ‘right’ decision – just ones we are happy with in hindsight.”
And if you’re still feeling worried?
Remember that not all decisions are final.
When it comes to big decisions over something like a new job, partner or moving to a new location, Kimberley says: “You can always try something new.
“Setbacks and adjustments are all a part of life – you just need to believe you can navigate and pivot your way through anything you experience.”
Why Do I Agonise Over it?
If you constantly struggle to make choices, it might be a sign that. . .
You Grew Up In A Critical Home
If mistakes weren’t tolerated in your childhood, you may struggle to trust your own judgement as an adult.
Instead of seeing decisions as opportunities, they can feel like tests you must pass.
You’re Seeking Approval
If you’re constantly weighing up how others will react, or you want to please people, you may struggle to prioritise your own needs.
You May Be Neuro-diverse
Conditions such as ADHD and autism can make decision-making harder, due to executive-function challenges, sensory overwhelm and difficulty filtering options.
The brain can freeze when faced with too much information.
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