All of President Biden’s Jokes — and Stumbles — From the White House Correspondents’ Dinner | Video

President Joe Biden took to the stage at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner looking to score points on Republican rival Donald Trump while showing that his age isn’t as much of a factor as many voters worry.

You can watch the video above and/or read about what he said to see how successful you think he was at his mission.

• Biden opened with a few remarks about his age, including joking about White House Correspondents Association President Kelly O’Donnell that, “let’s be honest, you’re way too young to be president.” O’Donnell is 58 years old.
• He noted that it’s been a year since he last spoke at the Correspondents’ dinner, and said “my wife, Jill, who’s with me tonight, was worried how I’d do.”
  
  “I told her, ‘Don’t worry. Just like riding a bike.’ She said, ‘That’s what I’m worried about,'” Biden quipped.
• In one of his sharper jokes about his rival, Biden said, “Yes, age is an issue. I’m a grown man running against a 6-year-old.”
• “I’m campaigning all over the country, Pennsylvania, Georgia, North Carolina. I’ve always done well in the original 13 colonies.”
• “Speaking of history, did you hear what Donald just said about the major Civil War battle? Quote, ‘Gettysburg, wow.’ Trump’s speech was so embarrassing, the statue of Robert E. Lee surrendered again.”
• “But look, age is the only thing we have in common. My vice president actually endorses me,” Biden said, taking a shot at Trump’s former VP Mike Pence opting out of supporting his former boss, who had notably expressed support for Jan. 6 rioters at the Capitol calling for hanging Pence.
• This one is barely a joke, but Biden said, “I had a great stretch since the State of the Union, but Donald has had a few tough days lately. You might call it ‘Stormy weather.'” He was, of course, referencing Trump’s trial over paying hush money to hide an affair with porn star Stormy Daniels. “What the hell?”
• “Trump’s so desperate, he started reading those Bibles he’s selling.”
• “Then he got to the First Commandment: You shall have no other gods before me. That’s when he put it down and said, ‘This book’s not for me.'”
• “Look, being here is a reminder that folks think what’s going on in Congress is political theater. That’s not true. If Congress were theater, they’d have thrown out Lauren Boebert a long time ago.” Biden was poking fun at Boebert’s infamous moment at the “Beetlejuice” musical where she was thrown out after vaping, getting intimate with her date and engaging in other disruptive behavior.
• “To all my friends in the press… and Fox News,” Biden said, drawing laughs before even getting to his punchline, “some of you complain that I don’t take enough of your questions.” After taking a beat: “No comment.”
• “Of course, the New York Times issued a statement blasting me for, quote, ‘actively and effectively avoiding independent journalists.’ Hey, if that’s what it takes to get the New York Times to say I’m ‘active and effective,’ I’m for it,” Biden joked, getting back once more to his age.
• “It’s OK. I have higher standards. I do interviews with strong independent journalists who millions of people actually listen to, like Howard Stern.”
• “And I know you’re looking around and saying, ‘This guy’s been doing this for 50 years. He’s had his moment. Give someone else a chance.’ To say that, I say, ‘Lorne, ignore the critics,'” Biden joked, turning to “SNL” head honcho Lorne Michaels. Michaels was in the crowd, there in part to support this year’s headline performer, Colin Jost.
• He continued with a series of riffs on “SNL,” adding, “Lorne’s a great friend who’s had eight comedians play me over the years on Saturday Night Live. Eight. And who the hell says I’m not a real job creator?”
• “Look, Lorne’s had even more comedians and actors joke about me, like the funny guy on ‘Weekend Update,’ Michael Che. He’s hilarious,” Biden said in a shot at Jost.
• Biden stumbled as he attempted to deliver a line about Jost’s star actress wife. “Scarlett Johansson, you did such an incredible job in your State of the Union rebuttal that you should be ‘Weekend’ of, do ‘Weekend Update.’ Clearly, you’re the funny one in the family.” He seemed to have meant to say “anchor” but misspoke.

Unfortunately ending on a bit of a clunker, he took a beat to get serious and give Jost some kind praise.

“Look, folks, on a serious note, in addition to marrying up, Colin and I have another thing in common: We both find strength in family,” Biden said. “I got to spend some time with his family yesterday in the Oval Office. Colin’s dad was a high school teacher in Staten Island, and his mom is an incredible woman. A family of firefighters, was chief medical officer for the New York City Fire Department on 9/11.”

“As a doctor, she rushed to ground zero, risking her own life, treating and saving fellow first responders,” Biden continued. “‘Rushing into danger for others’ is my definition of patriotism and heroism.”

Turning to address the crowd, he added, “And so is what all of you do when you report truth over lies. That’s why I want to close the night with: my genuine thanks to the free press.”

In another allusion to Trump, Biden continued, “There are some who call you the enemy of the people. That’s wrong and it’s dangerous. You literally risk your lives, doing your job. You do,” Biden said as he drew a smattering of applause from the journalists in attendance.

“Covering everything from natural disasters, to pandemics, to wars and so much more, and some of your colleagues have given their lives, and many have suffered grievous injuries,” Biden said. “Other reporters have lost their freedom. Journalism is clearly not a crime, not here, not there, not anywhere in the world.”

Getting fired up, Biden added, “And Putin should release Evan, and also, immediately,” referencing Wall Street Journal reporter Evan Gershkovich, who has been held prisoner in Russia for more than a year.

“We’re doing everything we can to bring home journalists, fellow journalists, Austin, and all Americans, like Paul Whelan, you know, who are wrongfully detained all around the world,” Biden said.

He was referencing Austin Tice, a freelance journalist and Marine veteran who was taken while reporting in Syria in 2012. Paul Whelan is also a Marine veteran and has been held by Russia since 2018.

“And I give you my word as a Biden, we’re not going to give up until we get them home. All of them,” Biden said.

Biden began to ramp up to his big finish, taking the Jan. 6 Capitol Insurrection, and Donald Trump’s role in it, directly.

“On the third anniversary of Jan. 6th, I went to Valley Forge, and I said the most urgent question of our time is whether democracy is still the sacred cause of America. That is the question the American people must answer this year,” Biden said. “And you, the free press, play a critical role in making sure the American people have the information they need to make an informed decision.”

“A defeated former president has made no secret of his attack on our democracy,” Biden continued. “He said he wants to be a dictator on day one, and so much more. He tells supporters he is their revenge and retribution. When in God’s name have you ever heard of another president saying something like that?”

“And he promised a bloodbath when he loses again,” the president added. “We have to take this seriously. Eight years ago, you could have written it off as just Trump talk, but no longer. Not after Jan. 6th.”

“I’m sincerely not asking you to take sides, but asking you to rise up to the seriousness of the moment,” Biden said in a direct appeal to the journalists in the crowd. “Move past the horse race numbers, and the gotcha moments, and the distractions, the sideshows that have come to dominate and sensationalize our politics. And focus on what’s actually at stake — and I think in your hearts, you know that it was at stake.”

“The stakes couldn’t be higher,” the president added. “Every single one of us has roles to play, a serious role to play, in making sure democracy endures. American democracy. I have my role, but in all due respect, so do you. In the age of disinformation, credible information that people can trust is more important than ever.”

“And that makes you — and I mean this from the bottom of my heart — makes you more important than ever,” Biden said.

He closed with a toast, lifting his glass and saying, “To a free press, to an informed citizenry, to an America where freedom and democracy endure, God bless America.”

Turning it back over to O’Donnell, Biden joked about knowing what he was in for from Jost. He referenced one of the comedian’s jokes from after Biden won the South Carolina primary, when Jost said, “Biden barely edged out his closest rival: time.”

In a closing thought for Jost, Biden said that he’ll have “a whole hell of a lot of time” when he wins, and that he’d be watching. It was unclear what he meant, given that you would expect him to be busy being president if he wins, but it was a minor moment in a speech that largely appeared to go over in the room.

Watch President Joe Biden’s remarks from the White House Correspondents’ Dinner in the video at the top of this page.

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