As a gay Black man living in a conservative small town, wrestling and drag helped me find the courage to be myself

Princey (a.k.a. Totally Plastic Pha'Nesse) is a pro wrestler. But he found new confidence after doing drag with Priyanka on HBO's "We're Here."

• Princey — "Totally Plastic" Pha'Nesse — is a wrestler who did drag under Priyanka's tutelage on "We're Here."
• Princey said that doing the show, and drag, helped him feel more confident. 
• This is Princey's story, as told to Business Insider reporter Palmer Haasch. 

This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Princey, a wrestler who performs under the name "Totally Plastic" Pha'Nesse and did drag under drag mother and "Canada's Drag Race" winner Priyanka on the HBO series "We're Here," which is currently streaming on Max. The conversation was edited for length and clarity.

I first got into wrestling when I was in diapers.

I grew up the youngest of two older brothers. Wrestling has always been around in my life, ever since I was a baby. I remember having the action figures, the video games, and everything — I was just obsessed.

I kind of lost interest a little bit growing up, and then I got back into it when I was 18 or so. My mom passed away when I was 23 and I was just kind of depressed, sad, and I was flipping through the channels and saw that "Monday Night RAW" was on. I was with some friends watching it and something just clicked in my head: "Why aren't I doing this?"

Growing up in Murfreesboro, being this out, proud gay Black man was kind of just frowned upon. To protect myself from getting insulted or attacked, I kind of just covered it up. And Princey was just kind of this quiet individual who never really went around too much, and just did my own little thing.

When I first started out in wrestling, I was so quiet and timid. And they were like, "You can't do that here. You're supposed to be yourself times a hundred." And so I was like, "Okay. I just got to shake off everything that I held in."

I finally found my wrestling identity as 'Totally Plastic' Pha'Nesse

I came across the Crux Wrestling training center with my coach Brian Maxwell and Kerry Awful, and came to a class in Maxwell's backyard. I was just rolling around and doing stuff and they were like, "You're a natural." And I was like, "I am? What?"

I just kept coming back and learning things every weekend. That was the main thing taking my mind off everything going on in the past with my mom. I had this safe place where I could just be myself.

I went to a show at the TWE arena and met everybody, and just felt an instant connection. I was looking at their social media, and the first thing — which is so rare in the South — was them being on the mic saying that TWE does not condone homophobia or racism. I was like, "I have to be here. I'll work my butt off to be here."

When I was growing up and wrestling, I was so captivated by the women wrestlers. I just felt like they were amazing, and they could tell these amazing stories in probably less than five minutes. I just saw so much pageantry there, and so much charisma, and I was like, "This is kind of drag."

I thought my wrestling name was going to be "Princey," but my coaches were like, "Nah, not really." Then, my name was going to be "The Pha'Nesse," and I was like, "I like Pha'Nesse, I don't want to get rid of that. I'll drop the 'the.'"

"Totally Plastic" was supposed to be this mean, bitchy gimmick. My coaches thought I was going to be a bad guy. But my first match I had in Alabama, the moment I hit the stage, the crowd was just like "Woooo!" And so I was like, "I can't be a bad guy. I love the crowd too much. This is awesome."

So Totally Plastic stayed, but it's more just this really flamboyant character that just loves everybody.

I found new confidence through drag and sharing my story on HBO's 'We're Here'

I was so nervous to do "We're Here."

I didn't know what the show was at first. The casting director was just like, "This is just a docuseries that's documenting people from different walks of life." I had no idea it would be on HBO, or this type of platform!

When I found out that this was a popular show, I was like, "Should I do this?" I didn't tell most of my family. I think I told my aunt, and I told my friends, and they were like, "Do it. I feel like you're one of the people who do have a story to tell about just everything you've been through in life. Maybe you can inspire somebody who sees you, who grew up in your situation."

I felt like I wanted to do that, because it brought me back to watching the divas and wrestling. They inspired me growing up, so I wanted to be that person for somebody.

I learned the choreography for the performance in three days, and when I saw my outfit and my wig, I was like, "This is going to be awesome. I am in the House of Priyanka, I can't look bad." She's an awesome dancer, and so I was like, "Okay, I got to really get into the gig."

And so I treated it kind of just like a wrestling match: I know my spots, I know what I'm supposed to here. Priyanka was a huge help. It was kind of like having a wrestling coach, but it was just my drag mom.

Now, I feel like Princey is Pha'Nesse.

I'm able to speak up about situations I don't like, and I feel like that's Pha'Nesse, that's just me coming into my true form. I'm so glad I did it, because I feel like I never would have gained this sort of confidence — being around these awesome people who were like, "You're this awesome person."

To be honest, I never really believed I was this special person. But if you're the only one doubting yourself, and all these people say you're wrong, maybe you need to look in the mirror.