How to Give a Good Toast, According to a Stanford Communication Expert

Have you ever sat through a dull or inappropriate toast at a celebration, desperately wishing for it to end? You’re not alone. Bad toasts have a way of dragging down events, resulting in awkward silences, eye-rolling, and seat shifting. The problem with these subpar tributes is that they often make the audience uncomfortable, drag on and on, or focus too much on the speaker, rather than the individual or occasion being honored. Bad toasts can easily drain the energy from the room, detracting from the purpose of the celebration—to unite people in a moment of joy, respect, or reflection.

To illustrate this point, consider the best man at a wedding who, instead of celebrating the couple, shares personal stories that only serve to embarrass them, often with awkward details that have no place in such a tender moment. Or think of a team leader delivering a successful product launch announcement that meanders through his own achievements rather than honoring the team’s contributions. These missteps can overshadow the intended significance of the toast and leave a lasting impression for all the wrong reasons.

I’ve experienced my share of memorable toasts—and not just in formal settings. One of the most enjoyable toasts I’ve had the pleasure of giving was during a New Year’s Eve party with friends. As the clock approached midnight, I stood before an excited crowd, fueled by holiday cheer. I started by acknowledging the challenges of the past year, but quickly shifted to highlight the collective accomplishments, shared laughs, and unforgettable moments we had experienced together. It was a brief, heartfelt reflection that not only resonated with everyone but set a positive tone for the year to come, inviting us all to embrace the future with hope and to remind ourselves of how important we are to each other.

So, how can we transition from the potential for disaster to delivering a toast that really resonates? Here are some insightful best practices to elevate your toasting skills and ensure you create a memorable experience, all while providing relatable examples along the way.

Be brief and to-the-point

Long-winded remarks are a hallmark of bad toasts. They fatigue the audience and often overshadow the milestone being celebrated. The goal is not to overwhelm listeners with details but to make a point clearly and concisely.

A toast should be short but impactful. Aim for your toast to be no more than a couple of minutes, ensuring you leave enough time for others who may speak after you. No one has ever complained that a tribute was too short, but many have certainly wished it had ended sooner.

Prepare to navigate emotions

Toasts and tributes can evoke a range of emotions, from joy and laughter to sorrow and remembrance. When giving a toast, it’s vital to anticipate these feelings, both in yourself and in the audience. 

For example, at a retirement party, you might feel overwhelmed by nostalgia when recognizing a mentor’s impact on your career. During my toast at my friend’s retirement, I found myself getting emotional and had to pause for a moment to collect my thoughts. If you sense that you might become overwhelmed, consider having someone on standby who can step in if needed, or be ready to gracefully shorten your remarks. Also, acknowledging the emotional nature of the communication can help you maintain your composure and deliver your words with sincerity and authenticity.

Frame your toast as a gift

Reframing the act of toasting as a gift shifts your focus from self-consciousness to creating something meaningful for others. When I gave a tribute at a former colleague’s memorial service, I thought about how much she had meant to me rather than worrying about how I would be perceived. My goal was to make everyone feel connected to her legacy and vitality. By focusing on what my colleague had accomplished and the happiness she brought to others, it turned the toast into a heartfelt reflection that resonated with the audience.

Use a structured approach

Leveraging a framework can ease your nerves and improve the effectiveness of your toast. The “WHAT” structure provides an easy way to layout your toast. It outlines four key components.

1. Why are we here? Begin by setting the context for the occasion. For instance, back during my mother’s 60th birthday party, I opened by explaining how we gathered to celebrate not just her age but the wisdom and love she has brought into our lives.
   
2. How are you connected? Share a brief note about your relationship with the honoree. When I spoke at a friend’s wedding, I introduced myself as the best man and shared a quick anecdote about how our friendship had developed over the years.
   
3. What is a special anecdote? Highlight the qualities, achievements, or moments that make the honoree noteworthy. Try to be as inclusive as possible, rather than referring to experiences only a few know about. For instance, while toasting a colleague who was being promoted, I relayed a story about how their dedication and hard work had positively impacted the team, complementing it with heartfelt words about their character.
   
4. Thank or toast Conclude with a positive affirmation and gratitude. At my son’s graduation, I ended by thanking everyone for attending and supporting my son. I then invited everyone to raise their glasses and join me in celebrating his achievements.

Set the stage for success

As a speaker, think of yourself as the opening act for subsequent speakers or the honoree. In my experience, providing logistical details or a brief overview of what’s coming next can help set a welcoming atmosphere. Whether it’s signaling the start of a celebration or encouraging guests to look forward to the main event, setting expectations often enhances the audience’s engagement.

Ultimately, giving a good toast can be a powerful and fulfilling experience, transforming a potentially awkward obligation into a heartfelt tribute. The secrets to success lie in reframing your approach, embracing a structured format, and keeping your focus on those being celebrated. The next time you find yourself standing in front of a group, ready to deliver a tribute, remember: it’s not about you—it’s about honoring the special moments that connect us all. So lift your glass, embrace the moment, and let your words be a gift that resonates with everyone present. By doing so, you not only create a beautiful memory for the honoree but also enrich the experience for everyone involved.