Below Deck Mediterranean Recap: Bri vs. Ellie
Let the race between Bri and Ellie to hook up with Joe begin.
It’s day two of charter two as Sandy calls Jono up to the bridge to relay Gigi’s feedback: The food is too spicy, and cold eggs are unacceptable. They should be made to order. Jono takes the criticism stoically, unaware that Sandy sees it as a huge red flag. She wants to give him an opportunity to prove himself because the first charter was good. I think season four’s Mila holds the title of shortest-tenured chef (if you can call her that). Jono seems miles better, but he could tie her record if he gets fired next charter.
Jono doesn’t have time to dwell on this and shifts his focus to lunch. He’s determined to prove himself for their first beach picnic. He coordinates with Iain to make sure the food will be boated out as soon as it’s ready so it remains hot. I’m deep into Hamptons private chef TikTok, from which I’ve learned that for this type of situation, pro chefs strategically plan menus that can be served cold or at room temperature. So I’m skeptical of Jono’s chances of success. He currently ranks No. 1 Least Likely to Make It Through the Season.
The second least likely to make it through the season is Iain. Sandy tells him that as the bosun, he should stay onboard during the picnic, and he takes this to heart too much. He gives his team no guidance, just dropping Gael and Joe off with a directive to “get creative.” Gael even asked earlier if they should do some research into games for the requested “Greek Olympics,” but Iain said the primary would tell them. Good service is all about anticipating needs, so they’re dropping the ball by not asking. Iain thinks this is an exercise in trust and a test for his crew, not realizing the struggle he’s putting them through by forgetting the trolley to carry the gear to the picnic spot. Worst of all, Iain lets the guests go to the beach without checking if the setup is ready. It is not, of course. Aesha arrives, surprised by the lack of preparation. They scramble to set up volleyball and a long jump while entertaining the guests. I have to laugh at the long jump: It’s literally just sand.
Surprisingly, the lunch is a success. The guests love the moussaka, although I didn’t get a good look at what else was served because I was so distracted by Gigi’s white Gucci fedora. Could you tell it was Gucci? By the end of the picnic, the deckhands are tired and starving. Iain checks in on how it went, and Aesha tells him he should plan games ahead of time if it’s on the preference sheet. Gael says he needs to give them a heads-up before bringing guests over. He doesn’t really own his mistakes, which feels like another error itself.
That night, Sandy joins the guests for dinner, raising the stakes for Jono. The first course is a gazpacho with plantain chips and feta. It’s a bit weird that Aesha introduces it when Jono’s standing right there. Gigi asks what spices are in it, and Jono admits it’s the first time he’s made this. It’s “someone’s grandma’s recipe” that “seemed authentic.” Sandy thinks he shouldn’t have been so honest, and I wholeheartedly agree. Anyone can Google a gazpacho recipe!
As Ellie and Joe wait to serve the entrée — cacio e pepe with prawns — they joke about being “f- - - - - - psychos.” Joe says he can see it in her eyes. Ellie: “That’s what makes me good in bed.” This is a wild thing to say in front of all your co-workers, but par for the course on Below Deck. The dishes go out, and Gigi notices the spice again, which she doesn’t like. There’s definitely no cardamom this time, so maybe she just doesn’t like salt or pepper? This woman has played tennis in front of the king and queen of Spain, but the dessert is nowhere near royal quality either. The chocolate lava cake also seems too similar to last night’s chocolate sponge cake. Like, mix it up with a crème brûlée, a tart, a torte, a pudding, anything. Jono serves the cake with coffee ice cream that immediately melts. One guests asks, “Is it yummy?” To which another replies, “It’s … interesting.” A kiss of death. Sandy tells us the whole meal was subpar and she’ll start looking for a backup chef. She’s also going to have a conversation with “Jonathan,” using his full name, so you know it’s serious. The stews distract the guests from the mediocre meal with two Greek musicians/folk-dancing teachers. The ladies enjoy smashing plates, perhaps pretending they were their dinner plates.
Tired from a long day, Aesha absentmindedly breaks a glass at the bar and cuts her finger. One of the guests, Rabbi Deb, sees this and gets her a Band-Aid from her room. I can’t believe we’ve heard so much about tennis and nothing about a rabbi onboard. This detail is relegated to her lower third. I do think Aesha should’ve declined the Band-Aid offer and radioed for one or gotten it herself, but you can’t say no to divine intervention.
The next morning over laundry, Ellie asks Bri what’s going on with her and Joe. Bri says nothing’s going on because she thought Ellie liked him. Ellie’s like, I thought you liked him. It’s basically that Spider-Man meme. Ellie says she doesn’t see a real future with any of the guys and is just trying to have fun. Bri similarly says she doesn’t care. They agree they don’t want to fight over boys, no matter what happens. Because neither of them actually express interest in Joe here, they’re only delaying the conflict.
As the guests depart, Gigi says the day at the beach and games were outstanding, but the food was okay, and the tip represents that. There’s absolutely no ambiguity as to who is at fault there. Aesha asks if Jono’s okay, and Jono plays confused/delusional — everyone said they loved it, so it must have just been the primary who didn’t. Aesha secretly thinks it was a fair comment. While she’s not impressed by the food, she is super-impressed with her stews’ improvement and thanks Ellie for taking Bri under her wing.
At the tip meeting, Sandy asks about the beach picnic miscommunication, and again Iain doesn’t take much responsibility. Nathan shouts out Gael for setting up all the games. The tip is $25,000, or $2,000 each. Better than I expected! It’s in euros, so whether it was actually USD $25,000 will remain a mystery. Later, Sandy talks to Jono one-on-one. She thought his food was salty and says that chicken doesn’t belong on a yacht. He explains it was the only protein that hit all the guest preferences, but Sandy would rather he do multiple options. She also reminds him to work on plating, especially ice cream. Jono thinks the freezer isn’t working properly. After laying on the criticism, Sandy goes for an open-face compliment sandwich, noting that Jono has stayed remarkably calm. She’s all about second chances and hopes he comes through next charter, but she is getting a standby in case not. Jono leaves the meeting happy to have feedback and feels supported by Sandy. He puts on a brave face, but I doubt he’d feel the same watching this back.
Before the night out, the deckhands speculate who Joe will go for. Nathan bets on Ellie, and Gael bets on Bri. Joe is going to test the waters with both, unbothered that they’re roommates and in the same department. He’s lacking the foresight to see the many, many ways this could backfire on him. At dinner, Bri seems to be leading the flirting race for Joe’s attention. Ellie thinks Bri shouldn’t be going for a guy her supervisor likes, which, in theory, is practical, but it holds no water because Ellie specifically told Bri she didn’t see anything serious happening. Joe is mentally between the two women and literally between Gael and Nathan as she feeds him food over Joe’s lap. Those two dance together later, but we thankfully don’t hear any more talk of strawberries.
On the dance floor, Ellie pulls ahead of Bri in the race for Joe, getting more time with him. Ellie says she’s definitely going for Joe soon, but not tonight. Her restraint may lose her the man because an annoyed Bri seizes her opportunity when Ellie takes a break from dancing to take selfies. Bri oddly uses a hanging-with-the-bros approach, remarking to Joe that Ellie has really nice boobs. Going along with the crude-talking-pals thing, Joe asks who she’s gravitating toward and if she’d suck Nathan’s dick, “yes or no.” Bri drops the pretenses: She’d choose Joe’s. With that comment, the race heats up and she blows past Ellie into the lead.