Lucy Dacus Wants to Be on Survivor

The Maria Bamford Questionnaire is a series of 25 questions designed by the beloved comedian to unearth surprising truths about its respondents. In this edition, you’ll learn about Grammy-winning singer-songwriter Lucy Dacus, whose companion album, Forever Is a Feeling: The Archives, is available to stream now. The album will be available on vinyl in December.

What do you like to eat and/or drink right before bed?

This is a trick question, because you’re not supposed to eat or drink anything before going to bed. But a few of my band and crew members did have a little secret tradition where we would eat ice-cream sandwiches before bed on tour, so that’s pretty cute. And my dad told me to take magnesium pills, so I’m going to start doing that.

What would your religion be like if you could make up your own?

When I was in high school — so just take this with a grain of high school — I had this thing called “posi-nihilism,” where it was like, Nothing matters and nothing has meaning, but that’s not so bad; that’s very freeing. We can do anything — or if we want to make our own meaning, great! That was my ethos as a teenager. So maybe something similar to that, or some sort of tree-root-systems worship.

If you had to be the face of a product, what would you choose?

Maybe collagen? Actually, I wouldn’t do this, so don’t reach out to me, collagen people. But I started taking it on a whim, and then when I stopped taking it, I really noticed, which let me know that it is real. I feel like my joints feel better when I take it, and all my friends I’ve told to take collagen are like, “I can’t believe this is real.”

What’s your most repetitive, long-term fear?

I usually say that “The people in my life will die without peace.” That’s my fear. But also, more personally, when I’m in a bad way, every time I walk into a dark room, I think there’s going to be somebody waiting to kill me.

What just happened in your life?

I rewrote one of my songs with a bunch of children yesterday. That was cute. It was part of that Celebrity Substitute Recess Therapy thing, where that sweet guy Julian [Shapiro-Barnum] gets people to hang out with kids. And now I’m afraid to play the song live again, because I fear I will say the new children lyrics. It was so cute and catchy.

I also hung out with a new group of friends, including Daniel Caesar, who just put out a new record that is really beautiful, Son of Spergy. It’s really, really gorgeous.

What is the last thing you read — labels, Us Weekly, and texts count. Can you give us the gist of what you learned?

I read the little notice when I opened this Zoom that was like, “Can we collect your data?” So that’s the last thing. Before that, I read some texts from my friends. I’m in New York and I don’t live here, so I’m just trying to coordinate seeing a bunch of people who are in town. What I learned is Hayley Williams just left and my friend Jane just got back to town. So I’m going to try to hang with Jane.

What is the last thing you bought used?

Yesterday I was walking around Central Park, and there was this table of odds and ends, and I bought a wooden turtle.

Who was the most difficult person to listen to (for you) recently?

Everything I thought of so far, I’m not willing to say. [Laughs.] Um, I caught the tail end of my friend getting pitched a company on the street by this guy who’s starting a credit-card business where you have to spend like $15K a month. And I’m like, How pointless and evil is that? That was stupid.

What place will you never return to?

I hated every second I was in Las Vegas. I’ve been there once with my mom and my brother. We were only on the Strip, and I just felt the depression descending upon me. There are other parts of Las Vegas I’ve heard that are cool to be at so maybe I would go there, but maybe I don’t need to go back to the Las Vegas Strip.

If you were without home or ability to earn, do you have anyone you can turn to for shelter and financial support? For how long?

Thank God yes — and I’ve done this before, so I luckily feel as though I could do it again. Frankly, I kind of think that Julien would love if I stopped doing this and she had to support me. [Laughs.] So I think I’m kind of blessed and set with that.

What TV show or movie would you want to play a part in, and what part would it be?

I feel like I have to say Survivor. I don’t know if my back pain could handle it, but I’m curious how I would do on Survivor or Traitors. I’d want to do it without the cameras. I don’t want anyone to watch. I just want to know what it’s like to compete.

I think on Survivor, I would try to suss out who I think should win, and then I would align with them and try to go as far as I could with them. Because then if I lost, at least the person I want to win could win. On Traitors, I think I’d just roll with the punches. It depends on what you know. If you know nothing, what can you do?

What’s something you’d like to quit — a substance, a habit, etc. — and how would you go about it?

I do this thing where I’m constantly digging my nails into my fingers. I don’t notice that it’s happening, and then people have to tell me, “Stop that!” I have no idea how I would stop. It’s not that bad; it’s just a little tic that I have.

I’m afraid of being reliant on anything. I don’t even drink coffee. So maybe, if anything, I would quit my mental patterns that keep me from trying things out of fear that I would rely on them.

If you could take a brain ride in anyone’s consciousness, whose would it be?

I want to pick someone who really knows music. Who’s the conductor of the L.A. Phil? I’ll look it up. [Looks it up.] Gustavo Dudamel. I don’t actually know anything about him, except that he is a very knowledgeable conductor. I just don’t actually know that much about music, so it would be cool to be in someone else’s brain instead.

What is something you regret doing within the past week?

There was a day that I ate so much sugar. That was messed up. I was self-punishing. I didn’t feel good for a full day after.

We were in Manhattan and went to this place, I’m donut ?, which is a Japanese doughnut chain, and their first location out of Japan just opened in Manhattan. I actively wanted to try that. They have a PBJ doughnut, which was delicious. So that was on purpose. But then some sweet strangers bought us a bunch of sweets and pastries at a shop, so then I ate those. Then my friend took me on a surprise trip to the Russian Tea Room, which has a sandwich tower but also scones and macarons and chocolate. So it was really super-duper overboard that day.

What are you jealous of in a family member?

I don’t think I’m jealous of any family members, except maybe my brother. He’s a sculptor in rural Tennessee, and that sounds like glitzy glamor, but it’s actually like putt-putt courses and roadside attractions. So he makes these giant things — and he should honestly be paid more — but he can think in this huge scale that I don’t think I think about.

How many colors has your hair been?

I’ve never dyed my hair because when I was young I loved silver hair, and all the adults were like, “You just have to wait. It’s gonna happen.” I think I saw silver hair as valuable as silver jewelry; it was like silver hair and silver jewelry were basically gold. Now I have a ton of gray hairs coming in. My birth mother went gray at 25, and I’m on my way and I just want to watch ’em. But maybe when I’m older, when they’re all in, I’ll dye my hair.

If you had to move anywhere outside the U.S., where would you go?

I’d go where I have friends — probably Ireland or Scotland or France. Spain is awesome. And I do think about this, which is why I have an answer.

What’s the best thing you’ve ever learned from someone you don’t like?

That’s a crazy question. Okay, this is kind of an unspecific thing, but some people just have a good sense of humor, and it protects them when I wish they would get their feelings hurt more. Like, people who I think deserve to be made fun of can kind of just laugh it off. I do think that’s a good principle. If you were a good person, and you had self-esteem and self-respect, and other people came at you, to just be like, “That doesn’t matter. That’s silly” — that’s a good scenario. But when it’s people who I don’t like, I’m just like, You shouldn’t laugh this off. You should be listening.

What did you have for breakfast this morning, and is it your usual?

No, not my usual. I had some mushroom-labneh toast, and I’m drinking this crazy drink with apple-cider vinegar, turmeric, ginger, and cayenne. It’s honestly weird, but I’m trying to get healthy.

Describe something that was funny to you.

Maria Bamford. [Laughs.] Is that everyone’s answer to this? I think Maria Bamford is funny as hell.

Describe something that is not funny to you.

There’s so much comedy that’s not funny. I don’t go to comedy that often, but I would say 80 percent of the time I do, I am booing from the crowd. I think that it’s possible to be funny and not make fun of disabled people or non-white people or trans people. These comedians are lazy — like really fucking lazy, and it’s not funny. And I don’t like when people are like, “Oh, come on, have a good sense of humor.” I’m like, “No. Have a better sense of humor. This is stupid.”

Describe something that is beautiful to you.

I have a lot of bird-friendly trees in my backyard, and we get a lot of hummingbirds. So I sit on the back porch in the morning, and I watch the hummingbirds. And they sit, which is not super-common — like, we mostly see them flying around but they’ll just sit down. And my friend’s mom was like, “That means that they feel like they’re safe.” So I love sittin’ with a sitting hummingbird.

Describe something that is ugly to you.

Something that I find pretty ugly is these single-use cups. I just think about how many a day are getting thrown away, or how at the end of the day in a city, you walk around and there are just trash cans full of these things. That and plastic water bottles. It’s gross.

How much money do you think is “enough” for the whole rest of your life — that you wouldn’t need to work again?

I actually think about this a lot, because I think the actual good question is “How could we take care of ourselves without money?” Really, it’s, “What money would it take at this point to set up a way where food, water, and shelter are sustainable?” So I’m looking into this and trying to figure out how this is possible. I definitely couldn’t do it alone; it’d have to be some sort of cooperative situation, but I would love to figure out the answer to this. I’m sure people are like, “A billion dollars!” or “A hundred million dollars!” But I think it’s actually a smaller number than people would think.

What do you think is your most likely cause of death?

Normal — like car accident, illness, heart attack. One of the usuals. I’m not special. It’ll probably be one of those regular-type things. I’m hoping I get old though. I would really like that.