Pop Stars Want Everyone to Log Off But Themselves
Lily Allen has a number of choice phrases to describe the not-so-mysterious ex at the heart of her new album, West End Girl (“sex addict,” “little boy,” “fucking broken”), but none as confusing as “4chan stan.” “What a sad, sad man,” Allen sings in the song’s chorus. “It’s giving 4chan stan.” A “4chan stan” isn’t a phrase that immediately conjures a distinct image. 4chan is loosely associated with young men, and “stan” is a phrase that’s been reclaimed by the girls and gays. Does she mean that the man in question is some kind of gooner? Someone who’s into anime GIFs? Does she just mean someone who is online a lot? The rest of the song fails to answer these questions and evades reference to anything else internet-y, focusing instead on litigating receipts and affairs.
Allen’s online song title doesn’t exist in a vacuum: Pop music is increasingly logged on. Taylor Swift references the ways in which fans talk online about music (and celebrity) several times on The Life of a Showgirl, ranging from “Every joke’s just trolling and memes” and the “bad bitch”/“savage” TikTok trend on “Eldest Daughter” to the egregious “Did you girlboss too close to the sun?” in “CANCELLED!” What’s strange is that “Eldest Daughter,” despite referencing language used in two different Megan Thee Stallion songs, isn’t a diss toward Megan at all. It’s a response, seemingly, to the fan response to Swift’s image — that of someone who is uncool (compared to Megan, who most people would agree is cool). Lizzo’s “STFU” off her most recent album, My Face Still Hurts From Smiling, is all about telling people online to be quiet. “Turn off every podcast mic in this motherfucker” is the opening lyric of the song; she goes on to scold people who “rage-bait for racists” or exhibit “fatherless behavior.” It’s not the first year in existence that terminology of the chronically online has seeped its way into the pop landscape — Swift, for instance, is frequently guilty of this; take 2016’s “This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things” — but due to some combination of digital accelerationism and everything being way dumber now, these recent examples feel that much more (to borrow a phrase) cringe.
In the case of Allen’s music, the phrase “4chan stan” quite literally makes no sense. Neither does Swift’s notion of being canceled, which she seems to associate with releasing a financially successful but critically underpraised and eventually redeemed album (Reputation). Lizzo’s understanding of a litany of online phrases is coherent enough, albeit overwhelming to hear all in succession. These phrases are just not especially evocative. They’re not associated with distinct images or feelings. They are just things we say — or, more often, things we type., combinations of words that are representative of a strong reaction to something we see online that suddenly dissipates when we shut our laptop or put our phone on airplane mode.
Music doesn’t have to make sense for it to be good. We all accepted Sabrina Carpenter’s “that’s that me espresso” with little prodding. Songs like “4chan stan” or “CANCELLED!” or “STFU” weaponize onlinespeak against the objects of the songs: fans, haters, exes, and everyone in between. The songs are mad at the intended listener and use the language of those listeners against them. There’s often an arch detachment where the singer tries to pretend as though they haven’t actually been poisoned by being online themselves. Swift’s whole press tour for The Life of a Showgirl featured her insisting she wasn’t logged on, despite having a keen knowledge of Reels that feature otters and/or the woman who designed her eventual engagement ring. Allen has been logged on for most of her career — long enough to have a cursory understanding of 4chan and why it wouldn’t necessarily have “stans.” That singers are using this language to talk about everyone but themselves makes it all the clearer they’re not sure what they’re talking about. Whatever satirical angle they’re going for doesn’t transpose because they’re not living in the reality of the language they’re using.
That’s not to say that all references to being logged on flop. Doja Cat, who was born out of the very forums slandered by the likes of Lizzo and Lily Allen, is always able to sneak in a reference or three, as she does when she calls herself “unserious” or makes reference to “khias” on her newish album, Vie. Tame Impala embarrasses himself in “No Reply” when he mentions spending all night “off a rogue website.” Being online is sort of lame — we know this to be true — but there’s no point in our pop stars pretending they’re above it.
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